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Woman freezing up, nervous

The real reason you freeze up in front of men you like.

I really want to up the ante and give you some actionable advice to roll into the new year because you have a busy schedule, a demanding career, and a full life – you don’t have time for the same old dating advice.

That’s why you decided to join me in the first place, right?

I can’t wait to share all this juicy insight with you. So lets get into it!

We’re starting today with this question from Margaret and I know you’ll resonate with this:

Hi Kavita,

I’m freaking out. I finally came across a man I was actually interested in the other night at a party. Basically, he was gorgeous, successful, and at my level. I was stunned. I froze. And it felt like I said a lot of stuff that I’m not even sure made sense.

Needless to say, he didn’t ask for my number.

WHAT can I do so this doesn’t happen to me again??? I want to be prepared.

Let me put it this way, I feel like dating is different for me than other women. I don’t have time to date the wrong men. I need a man that is as driven, smart, and successful as I am.

Someone who knows what he wants for himself and isn’t afraid to have a woman that is the same way.

I feel like these men are few and far between. When I do find one like this again, I need to know what to do to grab his interest.

Any advice?

-Margaret

Okay first of all I LOVE Margaret’s honesty here. Have you ever experienced this?

I know when I was single I had the exact same sentiment. I was like, “He isn’t smart enough, not cute enough, not accomplished enough”. I wanted the guy that was going to rock my world, and I felt like that rarely happened.

And if I did meet a man that felt exciting to me and I let the opportunity pass, I felt like I just missed out on something big.

I know Margaret’s question is, “WHAT can I do so this doesn’t happen to me again?” but instead of immediately answering that, I want to talk about what she is really feeling which is, “I’m different and meeting men I’m actually interested in is hard.”

Here are my insights into what is causing her to freeze up, so you can learn what to do in this same situation. I know you have experienced this.

Insight #1:

Feeling Different.

When we say dating is different for us what we really mean is, “I feel like I require more than the average woman and I don’t know if anybody can handle that”. And as soon as you feel that, guess what happens? You freeze up.

So, in order to feel way more natural with this man that excites you, it requires a mindset shift to: “I deserve someone that is willing to accept all of me.”

Simple yet profound, can you feel the relief in saying that to yourself already?

But now you’re probably thinking, “I know I deserve that, but is he even out there?” and that brings us insight #2.

Insight #2:

Men I am interested in are rare.

When you walk around with the mindset that high-quality men are few and far between and then meet a man who peaks your interest, you freeze up right then and there just like Margaret did. It’s like, “Holy Crap, I’m never attracted to someone in this way so I HAVE to lock him in”.

If we can shift this mindset from “I rarely meet men I’m interested in” to “I can meet men I’m interested in everywhere I go” – that moment when you meet that man feels lighter.

You will show up more present and engaged.

Essentially, when you own that you are totally allowed to want what you want and that there are men that want a woman like you everywhere, it will start to feel natural for you to show up and connect with men you really like.

You can see that if I just gave you a rule in this situation like “take a deep breath and write your phone number down on a napkin and hand it to him” that you could do that.

But the reality is there’s so much more exchanged when meeting a man energetically that will get him to really follow through or not.

I want you to understand that these situations are a culmination of what you have been thinking and feeling about love, yourself, and the situations you have been through in the past.

I want to help you see what it REALLY takes to make a lasting impression, and that’s what my Love Class is for.

Until then, I would love to know about your experiences interacting with men you’re into. Have you found a trick to releasing some of the anxiety around the interaction? Is there something specific you’d like more of my help with? Let me know in the comments on this page.

In Love,
Kavita

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  • Kimberly

    My situation is this…I have a great male friend, who three years ago I was in a short relationship with..This man loves & accepts me for exactly who I am. He wants more than friendship however I don’t feel it. I love him as a friend but nothing more. He is a great guy treats me like a lady should be treated however he is needy and not very financially stable. I keep telling him I only want to be friends and he keeps insisting that “LOVE WILL WIN” I don’t want to let a good thing pass me by but my inner voice keeps telling me that this is not more than a friendship and never will be…Help what should I do?

    • Kavita

      Kimberly, going only off your comment it sounds to me like you know that he is just a friend. Appreciate his love for you and take that in, recognizing that there ARE good men out there who love and appreciate you and you will find the right one.

  • Margarita Arbelaez

    Your answer, yet very simple, it’s true, but unfortunately some of us don’t take that approach, which is a bad thing for us. I finished reading your email and thought, “why didn’t come up with this myself?”. Well, I thing our believes make us thing the most complicated and wrong things, instead of making it simple for ourselves.

    I was thinking to ask you a question, but it’s exactly the one you are going to respond in the next email…jajaja.

    Look forward to attending your Love Class.

    • Kavita

      Thanks so much for sharing, I can’t wait to see you there Margarita!

  • Lily

    Hi Kavita:

    When I meet men I like, I don’t freeze up at all. I do the opposite – I “perform” or become highly charged with energy and sparkly personality. I feel that I’m probably too much, overwhelming the poor guy. I just can’t seem to calm down and just be sweet and simple.

    What things can I do to come from a calmer place?

    Many thanks,
    Lily

  • Erna

    I love what you said about feeling different !I always feel just like that,like there is no one who would even want to talk to me if they knew how different I am .But looking at it from your perspective is really helpful.
    Still,my question is I am so tense when I talk to men and feel they are interested that I am glad when I can get away, even though I like them .I dont know what to do and I feel terrible for being so cold and shy.What can I do?

  • Manyluc

    Kavita,how can i get back the attraction we felt at the beggining, now my lover wants me to be only his friend and no more, he feels i m pushy on him and this makes him feel more to withdraw. Is there something i can still do to make him change his mind?

  • Lori

    Hello,
    I need help with establishing connection- or rather keeping the one that gets started on a great date continuing. It seems to me that men in my demographic (late 40s-50s) were often married a long time, and they are inexperienced daters. So while they are confident as men, they are not confident as daters. So they ask for a 2nd date in person…but then don’t follow through. Of course this often means they have become interested elsewhere, but I am not convinced this is always the case. How much do you leave the ball in their court? So many dating coaches say “do nothing”…but I am starting to believe this is not at all the best course of action when I do like a man and would like to see him again. How do we encourage a man without pursuing him directly? thanks in advance.

    • Kavita

      Hi Lori – great question. Did you see my post here about getting yourself out of that limbo? While I do say that a man WILL reach out if he is interested, I also give you some scripts you can use to express how you feel that will still allow you to feel good about expressing yourself. Hope that helps! xoxo