BLOG

How to stop feeling jealous of your friends relationship

I’m currently spending time in one of my favorite places in the world – Paris! I’m disconnecting from my phone, from email, and spending time with one of my best friends for her 35th birthday.

But even though I’m an 8 hour plane ride away from home, I knew I had to bring you this love note this week.

I think you’ll like it 🙂

Have you ever been jealous of a close girlfriend, but didn’t really admit it because you felt guilty you couldn’t just be happy for her?

Maybe she just got engaged and invited you to be in her wedding party.

Of course you agree, but there’s a little feeling tugging at you because you feel like you should be more excited.

Or you’re heading to yet another baby shower and you can’t help but be jealous that your girlfriend gets to experience the birth of a child while you’re there just watching from the sidelines – still single.

I have had many moments of feeling jealous.

It could be a friend of mine that is skinnier than me, smarter than me, or makes more money than me.

It especially makes me feel bad because I don’t want to have bad feelings towards someone that hasn’t done anything but be who she is. Do you know what I mean?

That just isn’t good karma in my book!

But I have learned something powerful about jealousy.  It is actually a bread crumb trail that can lead us to discovering something more about ourselves and getting even further in our lives.

Here are the steps I walk through mentally when I get triggered with jealousy:

1) Pinpoint the area that triggers the jealousy the most.

I know we have several areas, but pinpoint one.

For example, not too long ago I was seeing myself getting drawn towards the people in my industry that looked like they had it all together around their program offerings that made a splash and also made a lot of money.

Specifically, there was a close friend of mine who had a launch in her business that was bigger and better than the one I had just had.

Of course there’s way more to the story, for all of the people in my industry I get jealous of, including her (like they have more years in the biz or have been through more product launches than I had so they had mastered it further) but in that moment I didn’t’ actually see any of those things, I just saw that she had something I didn’t – sales, new clients and connections to amazing people in her industry.

2) Let it be okay to be jealous.

The first thing you need to do when you get triggered is to let the jealousy be okay.

Don’t code it internally as bad or try to brush it off.

When my girlfriends biz triggered me, I had to let it be ok that i was jealous. There was some sort of nugget of wisdom I could find in allowing it to be okay instead of labeling it as bad or saying “I shouldn’t feel this way”.

3) Ask yourself: What is she experiencing that you feel like you’re not taking action towards?

When my friends specific product launch had propelled her into the next level of her business, I asked myself, what was it specifically that made me feel like:

I’m behind.

I’ll never get where she is.

She must know the secret that I’m just clueless about.

I’m not smart enough.

I’m not worthy of all of that.

I know how EASY it is to put your attention there – but existing in that space for too long is harmful because it creates NO resolution.

To get out of this place, I asked myself – “What is it about what she did right that bothers me the most?” and I discovered that it was the fact that she had made connections with people around her that felt ready to support her and promote her offerings.

I didn’t feel like I had that yet.

After I realized that and recognized that I wasn’t doing anything to create connections with people in my industry who could help propel my business even further, this was really where the jealousy was coming from.

All jealousy is, is a feeling of being behind. {Tweet This}

When you take a look at your friend and what she has that triggers your jealousy, what specifically has she created that you would also like to have be a part of your life?

It’s not JUST that she has a man.

4) Get into action

To get myself out of this, I created a plan. I made myself a “whos hot” list of leaders in my industry that I wanted to be connected to.

That was 6 months ago and I’m happy to say that I have the support from these people and I even have their support around an upcoming program that I will be revealing to all of you in July.

Once I figured out what specifically was bothering me and started to get into action around it, that’s when the jealousy started to just melt away.

This is the key piece.

Alright, so what does this have to do with your love life, right?

Often we just see a friend meeting the right person, getting engaged, getting married, and we just feel like we’re just jealous of the idea of all of it.

But that’s not true. There’s a specific piece to why you’re jealous of her.

If she was getting married to someone you didn’t totally love, would you be jealous? Probably not.

So what is deeper?

It could be that your girlfriend found her fiance online after creating a whole plan around how it would work, and now you feel like you should have been doing that all this time.

You could be jealous of the fact that your friend talks about how connected she is to her boyfriend because they sit down and create intentions for the year together and you wish you had somebody to do that with. But you haven’t even done that for yourself because you’re waiting for that other person.

If you need help, think:

Where are you waiting in your life that is also causing you to feel like people are ahead of you in general?

How do you stop waiting?

I’m going to encourage you to buy the house that you’ve been waiting to buy once you find your man.

Buy the new bed or furniture that you’ve been waiting for until you have your “together home”

Go on the trip you wanted to take for your honeymoon.

Ask yourself – Where are you waiting in your life?

Find one way you can get into action around the area that is triggering you and this will help the jealousy to subside.

Your Lovework this week is to tell me, below in the comments – what is the last thing you’ve been jealous of a friend about? Is it her relationship, her newborn, a new milestone she hit in her life?

Call it out, allow it to be, and express one thing you can do to get yourself into action around it.

You’ve got this!

In Love,
Kavita

WANT MORE STUFF LIKE THIS?

Sign up for free updates

SHARE THIS POST

  • Grace

    Wow, this is gold!

    This is the part that struck out to me the most, “You could be jealous of the fact that your friend talks about how connected she is to her boyfriend because they sit down and create intentions for the year together and you wish you had somebody to do that with. But you haven’t even done that for yourself because you’re waiting for that other person.”

    You are right! What am I waiting for? 🙂

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      I am so glad this really resonated with you, Grace! What are you going to do to get into action? Have you checked out my new Soul Level Love program, yet?

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      Hi Grace! What are you waiting for? Start creating your intentions for the year. Have you checked out my Soul Level Love program, yet? Go check it out here at soullevellove.com.