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Kavita standing on the beach reflecting

Feeling sad and lonely? What if that was okay?

When you are sad, do you resist it?

I’m going to level with you for a second.

Most of last year I was sad. There were lots of moments I tried to talk through it with friends and it just wasn’t going away.  I was resisting it BIG time.

Then I read a book by Osho and something he said struck me. He explained that most of society is built around not wanting you to feel extremes of emotions. The people around you just want you to be okay, and what “okay” actually means is that you are mostly numbed out.

I realized that I was existing in that space.

When sadness, disappointment, and upset sets in it is the most uncomfortable feeling. Our brains will go into overdrive trying to figure out how to get you out of this state.

When you talk to friends and tell them you are feeling down, they will say things like, “Everything is going to be okay, you just need to get out of the house, you’re thinking too much.”

If you are happy there will be people that say, “Don’t be too happy because you might jinx it” or you feel guilty for being too happy around other people you know are hurting.

On the flip side, when you are sad they say, “Why would you be sad? You have so much in your life to be grateful for.”

In both of these cases, we aren’t given permission to just FEEL and feel it deeply.

I was on the phone one day with my beautiful Mom and I said to her “Mom I am just feeling so sad.” She asked me why and I couldn’t explain it.

She said, “You are probably just stressed about something, It’s going to be okay” I could feel her love wanting me to feel better.

I said, “Mom I don’t want to be okay or feel better, I just want to feel this sadness and see what it is trying to tell me. I just wanted to tell you that I was down but I don’t want to fix it.”

I’ve learned that that is best way for me to ask for the support to FEEL and just let it be. She totally understood.

So much can shift when we finally let ourselves feel the discomfort.

The other day, in the Q&A call for my Soul Level Love program, I asked the women to share some of their celebrations from doing this work.

One woman raised her hand, and she said, “I have actually been feeling a lot of sadness while doing this work. I have been feeling this way for a while but have been trying to resist it, and this program gave me permission to feel it and let it show me what I need to look at. I have been crying a lot. I have discovered hurt that I still feel from past relationships that I thought I was over.

She continued, “I let myself feel lonely and the sadness that I felt around being single.  But through giving myself space to feel it and not resisting it I actually have been releasing so much, and for the first time in a long time I am feeling so much better.”

I was SO proud of her for going there, which so many of us are scared to do.

The last thing I want for you is to live a numbed out life.

I want to give you permission to be sad, upset, and down. At the same time, I want to give you permission to be happy and shout it from the rooftops. I want you to rock all of it.

Happiness inspires others. Sadness allows you to discover more of who you are.

You are allowed to even feel sad one moment and cry it out, and in the next moment feel incredibly blessed and happy. There is nothing wrong with feeling extremes. Just allow it. That is LIVING. That is LOVING. We are women and human.

I love this image because it is so funny and true:

sad and lonely

As with everything, the lessons I am sharing with you here are things that I too am going through and have learned for myself.

Now that I have let myself FEEL my sadness, I am feeling super happy and excited about what’s to come next. Trust that if you are feeling sad right now, you will get there too.

Love can’t FLOW when we are numbed out inside.

When you can feel and aren’t trying to protect yourself you can create a super powerful relationship with a man. You won’t function of a space of being ashamed of your feelings, you will actually be even more clear on how to communicate them.

To start to get the love flowing, for your Lovework this week I want you to express a feeling you are having right now, and let that be declared and felt over in the comments on the blog. I will be reading each one.

In Love,
Kavita

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  • Erica

    Hello! I see that I am the first to share how I feel right now.
    I am feeling sad, hurt, frustrated, and crying right now.

    • Kavita

      It’s ok to let it out Erica. Take some of the pressure off of yourself to hold it in. Thank you for sharing.

  • Jasmin

    Hi Kavita,
    The newsletter this week really touched me, because I have always tried to resist or fix my feelings of negativity.
    I often feel sad and lonely, often to the point where I cry on my own. I always feel that no one really understands the way I feel about things, even though they always tell me about the hundred and one things I should be grateful for. When I tell them that I wish I can cry and cry it all out, they say I’m insane to feel bad when I have everything – wealth, health, a good family, a good education.
    Somehow, my feelings always verge on the negative side. I don’t really remember the last time when I felt wildly, insanely happy. It is sad but true. I usually feel sad and lonely more than happy.
    But I think the most predominant feeling which takes over me is envy, that feeling of wishing I can be like other girls who are beautiful and attractive. I always beat myself up for not being like them, and I think that’s where a lot of the sadness and loneliness surface.

    • Kavita

      Hi Jasmin, Let yourself feel into those emotions. Feel why you feel how you’re feeling.
      Has anyone told you that you aren’t beautiful and attractive. Where is that coming from?

  • http://www.lenapenteado.com Lena

    Great post Kavita 🙂 I’ve been feeling tired lately. Xoxo

    • Kavita

      Hi Lena, Thanks for sharing. Tired mentally or physically? What is causing this when you feel into it?

  • Dhruvi

    You’re so spot on with this message today. I’ve been dealing with the pain of a very harsh reality: The man I gave my heart too, never saw me in the same light as I saw him. There were so many times I felt hurt in the moment, but wouldn’t allow myself to feel it. You said it perfectly here: “When sadness, disappointment, and upset sets in it is the most uncomfortable feeling. Our brains will go into overdrive trying to figure out how to get you out of this state.”

    With different events from my past, I think my brain, and my heart, go into overdrive mode when they sense sadness and pain. When I was with this man, and felt that pang of hurt or sadness, either by something he said or his actions, it’s like my body didn’t know how to handle it, or confront it, in that exact moment. I could feel myself go into overdrive mode, and I could feel myself almost like brush off whatever the situation was at the time and just keep going. In that moment, it’s like I didn’t know what to do, what to say, how I was supposed to react…no clue. I just knew I had to get out of that state.

    But now I’m dealing with all of that pain. Those moments come back and I hate how I reacted to them. I hate how I never did anything about it. So now, I just feel the pain of those moments I numbed out: the sadness, the hurt, the anger i didn’t know what to do about.

    • Kavita

      HI Dhruvi, from what you’ve shared moving and suppressing the hurt and sadness isn’t working. I want you to try embracing the pain, feel into it. Cry and/or scream if that’s what feels right. Let us know what happens. Ok?

  • Skyler

    Thanks for the great article, it is a nice reminder to just be present and feel what is going on. I was wondering though what happens when feeling sad becomes a pattern? I’ve noticed I’m expecting to be sad or disappointed often when there is no reason to. When should we kick sadness out as a mood or pessimism?
    Thank you

    • Kavita

      Hi Skylar, Pessimism can cause sadness amongst other triggers. Do you admire your parents relationship?

  • AMS23

    Kavita!!! As usual, you have hit the nail on the head! I just broke up with a guy I was seeing for 2 months. He was emotionally closed off and I was having trouble speaking my truth. The breakup came during a time of endings and a ton of transition. Rather than try to keep it all together, I allowed myself to feel sad and hurt and angry (at him and myself), and it was such a beautiful thing. I’m so proud that I’ve come so far in my evolution to allow myself to have my feelings and expressions, and in fact, it lead to me speaking my truth even more. Thank you for your presence and your guidance. I called upon your work ALOT during these past two months, and am so grateful to (virtually) have you in my life.

    • Kavita

      Thank you for sharing AMS23! So amazing to hear you are making progress! 🙂

  • Bethany

    This was wonderful! I just returned from a whirlwind of a trip. I felt exhausted and just wanted to be still–not worry about work, people, classes or anything else–just be still. I let myself skip tasks I wouldn’t normally skip or indulge in small pleasures (like Starbucks) that I wouldn’t normally indulge in. I simply didn’t care how I looked or what anyone thought. It was how I was feeling and I was going to honor it. To my surprise, I was getting checked out left and right, which was funny because I definitely looked exhausted and tired! Now, I’m starting to feel balanced again. But, having ownership over feeling whatever (be it good or bad) was such a release. Definitely something I want to continue to honor in myself.

    • chris

      Great work Kavita, we all need that reminder to accept our feelings. Thank you!

      • Kavita

        You are so welcome Chris. Thank you for sharing.

    • Kavita

      That’s amazing Bethany, they can sense the real you and you are now able to see the positive. So great!

  • Lynn

    I love how the Universe brings lessons and this post was a poignant one for me. Going through the grieving process of a recent break up has taught me the importance of allowing grief to visit. And when I was still, open and flowing, the gut wrenching sadness pounded through where I saw this pain went way back and wasn’t only about him. Now, I have this new way of being mindful and focusing on right now. I’m happy and feel a stillness inside along with a surge of power because this joy can’t be taken away by what someone else says or does or doesn’t do. The unavailable men continue to call and beckon me to the old place but the new Lynn still loves and is open but also mindful of where this love is placed.

    • Kavita

      Oh Lynn, thank you for sharing. So impressed with you for being able to feel your power and live in your joy. Congratulations.

  • AVastani

    I’m an Indian and can relate to your blogs very much. For years I questioned the American culture where everything is ‘ok’ whenever people greet and ask ‘ how are you ?’ The reply is standard ” I’m ok , doing good “.
    Whereas Indians are known to express their feelings in their actions( see the Indian dramas and movies!)
    I had to learn to suppress my feelings – I had to hide my hurt and pain – I was told to leave feelings at the door when you report to work. I’m glad that people like movie stars are not afraid to hide the true human side and the feelings like deepika Padukone and Demi lavato. I’m glad that people are now aware that it’s ok to express and say how you feel instead of holding it in until it kills you

    • Kavita

      Hi Avastani, thank you for sharing.

  • Patricia

    Wow, I have been feeling so sad and lonely,at times. All though I do not say it, my family is aware. I finally came clean with me and for the first time I acknowledge I am embarrassed to cry, and that I want to be in a relationship.

    • Kavita

      HI Patricia, How did it feel when you let yourself feel that?

  • http://Kavitajpatel.com Lynn R

    After going through some tough times I had finally gotten to a good place in my life. Then I met someone who I’ve known now for a year. I experienced some of the most passionate and intense emotions with this person but things began to change for the worst. The last few months I’ve been sad, hurt and angry. I’ve been letting myself feel the sadness mostly because I can’t help but feel otherwise. Since I’ve still had contact with him up until very recently I realize the hurt feelings have lingered longer than they normally would. I am now trying to let go completely but it’s not easy. Looking forward to the day when I can awake without this deep sense of dread. Thank you for letting me share this.

    • Kavita

      Thank you for sharing it Lynn. When you feel into the sadness what comes up for you?

  • Ally

    Kavita!!! As usual, you have hit the nail on the head! I just broke up with a guy I was seeing for 2 months. He was emotionally closed off and I was having trouble speaking my truth. The breakup came during a time of endings and a ton of transition. Rather than try to keep it all together, I allowed myself to feel sad and hurt and angry (at him and myself), and it was such a beautiful thing. I’m so proud that I’ve come so far in my evolution to allow myself to have my feelings and expressions, and in fact, it lead to me speaking my truth even more. Thank you for your presence and your guidance. I called upon your work ALOT during these past two months, and am so grateful to (virtually) have you in my life.

  • Shydoll

    I am sad all the time, I am 49 years old. I am not married and do not have children. I get depressed about it all the time. All of my friends are married and most of them have children. I do not know hat to do?

    • Kavita

      First thing I want you to do Shydoll is take the pressure off yourself. Know that it is ok to be single. It is ok to be a woman without children. I know this can be difficult. I would hope that you are not letting it stop you from enjoying your time with friends and their children.
      Once you can believe that your age is not a limit and that love is still an option, it will start to get easier. But you have to really believe it.

    • Mae

      Hi Shydoll, I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’m 46, never married and don’t have kids. That’s why I feel sad & depressed all the time because I’ve missed out on having a family and now it’s too late. I haven’t been on a date for a few years and dating makes me feel nervous. I know my family thinks there’s something wrong with me and talk behind my back. I’m going on a dating conference in SD next month so hoping that will help. Just remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way.

  • andria

    I am feeling anxious right now. After reading your article I said sit in it. Let me feel my feeling. Not run from it. Let it flow thru me. Now I am feeling less pressure and I know all will be well. Thank you

    • Kavita

      That’s beautifully amazing Andria!

  • Lori

    Hi, today I was leary of opening the email message written above.
    Cos I was feeling THAT way. Way way too much. But tonight before I went out to be with friends, I found courage! ha
    This principle I had learned and used like crazy for a time period in a recovery program I am using. This reminder got me interested right away.
    I applied it immediately, and my sadness went away right when I looked face square at it, to see what it was about. It was about this fellow, who I thought never wants me to feel sad but to always be ok, or he would never want to talk with me.That pressure was too much I guess. I need to face more about this; and I even think that could just be my imagination about him, but it may go back to my own dad. It sure does with my mom come to think of it.
    Kavita, thanks Hugs to you~

    • Kavita

      I’m so happy that your opened the message Lori and that you felt shifts. 🙂 Let yourself feel.

  • Ronda

    I want a relationship but the thought of wasting my time with another unworthy male just feels unbearable. I also would like to work things out with my ex but that is also unbearable because my t rust is not there anymore. So basically I pray, work and take care of minds. Loneliness hits but I try not to let it get to me.

    • Kavita

      Ronda, where did you internalize that men are unworthy? Was there someone in your life that triggered that?

  • Ronda

    I am approaching 30 this year and I am not yet married. Hell, I’m still single. it often bothers me because i want a complete family for my boys. but i know with time it will come. I know what I have to offer and I know what kind of woman I am so I until then I will wait. No sex at all.

  • M-A

    Wow great message as I am not usually in touch with my feelings. I had to ask myself how I was feeling and I got this overwhelming feeling of grateful! I am so blessed in so many ways. Thank you for helping me understand this feeling right now. What a gift!

    • Kavita

      So great M-A. Happy you could feel that!

  • Andrea

    Thank you for being transparent. I’ve never liked explaining why I’m sad because people are usually dismissive or offer a solution that doesn’t get at the heart of the matter. And rarely do people (even relationship experts) say “I’ve been there and I know exactly how you’re feeling….it sucks”. Feelings of inadequacy and “what’s wrong with me?” kept cycling through my head the other day so I decided to go for a run….crying for a little bit, but by the time I finished I had re-focused my energy.

    I have to share another feeling I had this past weekend. I experienced a mix of regret and excitement. I had a moment with this great looking guy in the grocery store. He said hi, I smiled and said hi back, but then I bolted down a different aisle….I froze. As I was checking out I noticed him leaving the store, we locked eyes (longer than what’s normal) and I smiled again, but then he was gone. By the time I got outside he was gone gone. Ugh, it felt like magic, but I was too chicken to say anything to give him the green light. I sat in my car and thought of several things I could’ve said to engage him in conversation. Next time I’ll be more prepared.

    • Kavita

      Hi Andrea, I recently did a post on dealing with men that are perceived as “out of your league” make sure you check that one out. Thank you for sharing how you let yourself feel. Running and crying is a great release 🙂

  • Shon

    I’m feeling tired,hurt,and ashamed.

  • http://www.kbcoaching.com Katie Bunting

    I have recently found myself in a position where for weeks leading up to this point I’ve been listening/reading all your videos, blogs etc and working on visualising and getting into the feeling of what it would feel like to meet and be with ‘the one’ / my best friend sort of boyfriend. Then two weeks ago a guy walked into my life and together we felt such an amazing connection straight away. In his own words, he’s said being around me feels electric, which is totally mind blowing for me, exactly the kind of relationship I was wanting. We sat up for the first long night last night til 4am just talking and I realised I have pretty much fallen head over heels. He is everything I want and need.

    However now woke up this morning with this overwhelming feeling of ‘oh my god’ I’m falling so bad like we connect on a level that is unreal ‘soul level’ sort of thing and he feels it too.

    The feeling I wanted to declare is that I am terrified. To finally have attracted and be experiencing something you have wnated your whole life, well it’s hard to know how to respond to that feeling, what to do with it, and how to not let it ruin how things go from here on.

    Redaing your blog has just made me realise its ok to feel overwhelmed and super emotionl even in a teary way (happy tears). I don’t have to run away or try and correct anything, I can just feel the overwhelm.

    You have no idea how hard it is to keep the focus on having faith that it will all continue just as things are getting better better.

    Would love to hear your thoughts Kavita 🙂

    Katie x

    • Kavita

      Katie, this is so natural! It can be really overwhelming when someone sees us and connects with us in a way we’ve never experienced before. Just keep in mind to stay present and that you deserve every bit of love you are receiving. Staying present will let you see that this experience will be exactly what you need it to be and turn out in a way that is exactly right for you (regardless of the outcome). Does that resonate with you?

  • Meghann

    I’m feeling lots and lots of bipolar feelings.

    I’m overwhelmed, stressed and anxious at work, but unable to focus and get things done to alleviate some of those feelings.

    I’m worried about some personal things my parents are going through.

    And I’ve started to dip my toe into a new relationship. I don’t feel that things are going well but they aren’t going bad. It brings up a lot of mixed emotions and self doubt. I’m in limbo and am frustrated by that. I’ve been struggling with some health issues and yesterday I just broke down and cried. It felt good to cry but I think it is just the tip of the iceberg.

    Life is overwhelming.

    • Kavita

      Meghann, it’s ok to feel conflicting feelings. Instead of feeling like you need to fix your parent’s problem, can you ask them for help to alleviate some of the overwhelm you’re experiencing? Let them in on what’s going on for you and ask for some support.

  • Shanika

    today I have a couple of feelings. I feel heartbroken because the person I love does not love me as I love him. I also feel angry at myself for caring as much as I do. Because I am at work now I can’t sit and cry like I would like to. I put on a brave face and a smile so no one knows what I am feeling but I feel emotionally lost and hurt and scared that I’m not good enough to be loved.

    • Kavita

      Shanika, you are so enough to be loved, just because you are here experiencing life! It’s important for you to accept these feelings that you are having and let them out. You don’t have to be perfect to have love. The man you’re attracted to just might not be right for you. That doesn’t diminish the feelings you have for him, though.

  • Nik

    I’m feeling sad and lonely. I’ve dated a lot in the last few years but haven’t had a relationship and I’m just so tired of being alone. I see friends get married, have kids, get divorced, get remarried and here I haven’t even had a relationship for years and I’ve never been married. Every time I meet someone and I start to get interested, my heart gets broken again and I’m tired of it.

    • Kavita

      Nik, it could just be that you might not have met a man that’s right for you yet. You need to stop comparing yourself to others and realize that they’re going through the same experience as you, just in a different way. We all want to be understood and connect with others, and it can be just as scary and hard with someone as it is being alone. You need to see all the ways you already have love in your life, and that you’re not alone, so you’re not putting as much pressure on a relationship to magically fix all the challenges in your life. Does that make sense?

  • Leslie

    I’m feeling sad, lonely, and tired—mentally, physically, and emotionally. Work is very stressful right now and I’ve had some very emotional days in the past few weeks. I come home in the evenings after a 10+ hour work day (and with about 2-3 more hours of work to do) and collapse in exhaustion. Were it not for the dog, I’d be indoors all the time. Just drained.

    • Kavita

      Leslie, thanks for sharing this! Give yourself some space to feel exhausted and know that you don’t have to do it all! If work is overwhelming, you can ask for more support.

  • Stephanie

    This share is a bit behind. I’ve felt a range of emotions going through this course and have really allowed myself to fully feel them. I’ve also sat with them long enough to get each emotion out which is very different for me. In the past I’ve criticized myself or felt bad about having an emotion, just as Kavita said. This course has given me permission in so many areas of my life and I am very grateful for it! Like the new Kelly Clarkson song “Invincible”, I’m starting to have that feeling more days than ever.

    • Kavita

      Stephanie, that’s great!!

  • Sheila

    The statements you have made are very correct. I have stopped having conversations about my saddest or loneliness. I just talk to God and myself. Mostly, cry it out. Often it’s after I feel I have made a bad choice or my current boyfriend is t playing me any attention.

  • Krishna

    I have had really tough month. Got laid off from my job and the man I truly feel was ‘the one’ is withdrawing or has withdrawn. I have been locking up myself in my room for the past couple of weeks and keep crying. Despite making little attempts to hang out with friends and family, sadness continues. My biggest frustration is I can never express my feelings to someone because I’m too worried about hurting others….and so I rather hurt myself. But that is getting tiring. I’m emotionally tired, physically in pain literally and financially drained.

  • Laura

    Right now Im feeling super sad, my daughters are away for the month, in Florida with their dad, and I am here in NY alone. I am feeling sad and lonely and possibly unloved. I am visiting friends now, but tomorrow when I go back home I will allow myself to feel all my sadness and cry it out. To see how it turns out.

  • Allison

    I have just started reading your emails this past week and thought I would give this go. I am in my early 30s, never married, not even close and I am really exhausted from dating. I take breaks to let myself come to grips with the fact that I may just be meant to be alone. I have tried online dating, blind dates and mutual friend hookups but none of them last. Everyone always says that it is not me but let’s be realistic…what else can it be. I always dreamed of getting married and having a family just like every girl and I just do not see it ever happening. My biggest fear in life is and was that I would be alone and it is happening. I have been to the Doctor, put on meds, talked with loved ones and drank my loneliness and sadness away but nothing is working for me. I am miserable with me, my life, everything. I have so many great people in my life and such a strong support system, I just do not know how to get over this feeling.

    • Kavita

      Welcome Allison, so happy to have you here. So proud of you for getting vulnerable with us. I want you to first feel into it and let yourself feel into the sadness, embrace it as a part of you. Its ok. Sometimes we make ourselves feel worse in trying to combat the sadness. Take your time and going through the blogs. My next session of SoulLeveLove.com is coming soon so make sure you get on the waiting list and take advantage of the free video series. Talk soon.

    • Nnika Francis

      Couldn’t know what you’re feeling exactly, I do have my bursts of loneliness, when I lay in my bed and cry, relationships never lasting more than a year. But I know that when he does find me it will be amazing! I sometimes tell God he’s taking too long with this dream man, I’m trying to have patience, it’s hard tho, especially when I see the big 30 nearing, I’m just gonna tell you try having some patience, and maybe when you’re not looking or expecting him he will find you. I’m no expert tho, but I’m just encouraging you! Love and light!

  • Sandi

    Oh, Kavita…so thankful to have come across your site. I think “numb” has been my situation for a long, long time. BUT, identifying it means I have to now do something about it. The saying “Ignorance is Bliss,” should really mean “Ignorance is Hell.” Can I say that I am a hopeful Doubter now? Oh, btw I got a lowly “2” on the quiz. But, in my defense, I’ve always known that there is good, deep, intimate love to be had out there (thanks to being observant). I grew up a survivor, and that’s not necessarily a great thing I’ve come to realize. Circumstances as an adult have continued this mindset through a terrible crash that permanently injured my then 3 year old daughter 19 years ago and then the tragic death of my husband 5 years ago….I don’t want to be numb anymore and I don’t want to just “survive.” I am tired of being strong and attracting passive men. I deserve this. Thank you!

    • Kavita

      Hi Sandi, You do deserve this, so proud of you!

  • ToniWC

    I am sad because of a connection I had with someone, he pursued be with such vulnerability and excitement about us, then he disappeared and came back more neutral than ever. He pulled back completely, I felt as though he bought us both a one way ticket somewhere and then left me by myself at the destination. I received all type of answers and reasons when I solicited why he was so withdrawn, he proclaimed he wasn’t ready but I was his dream woman. This was the first time I ever experienced someone seeing me and abandoning me too. There is this attachment to what he said to me initially to solicit my emotional attention. I am not only sad because he didn’t give us a solid chance but that he went about it in such a cold way and just acted like he didn’t even like me or wanted my friendship. I felt and feel so disregarded and disposed. So as amazing as my life is right now with so much promise manifesting before my very eyes…I am sad about my love life and the choices I have made with men, in particular the man I reference in this post. Its just sad I allowed someone to get so close within in such a short amount of time. Thank you for supporting the unapologetic space for feelings to be felt. I am dancing in my sadness, I know it is showing me song to sing.

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      Hi Toni, in opening your heart up for love you have to take chances. All these things will lead you to finding the man that is right for you. Great job on asking him those hard to ask questions. Even though the answer is hard to except, did you find clarity on where you are in the relationship?

      • ToniWC

        Thank you for your response. I thought I did, I wrote him a acknowledgment letter and sent it to him. He was moved by the letter and what I thought was going to be his response wasn’t. He began entertaining the possibility again. I thought he would receive the letter and thank me and thats it. I began to realize the relationship that was being cultivated was solely a physical one, there was a major disconnect to where eI didn’t even know who this person was. He was showing and saying different things all the time. Ever since I told him that I couldn’t just brand my standards I had to live them and that my body was off limits…he has shut me out. Now I have just a mix of emotions where I feel like I will never know what his intentions were, I’ll never know his truth and all I am left with is assumptions and confusion. Steve Harvey said something like “Men don’t do closure, so move on” and thats why I feel like I just have to grieve this and provide my own closure. The only clarity I have is the relationship with me. But to be honest, there is this pebble in my shoe that says why? how? and yearns for his transparency.

        • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

          Hi Toni, It is hard to move on. I totally get it. I want you to join me on a free webinar I will be giving on October 14th 8pm ET/5pm PT. There will be a Q&A portion of the call where you can ask more questions. Click on the link and claim your spot. http://soullevellove.com/webinar/

          Thank you for sharing and getting vulnerable with us.

          • ToniWC

            I signed up and can’t wait till the 14th. Love ya!

  • Sherrie Johnson

    I have been sad and lonely for the past 3 weeks now..not quite an entire month but close. Sigh..I went through a very traumatic breakup last year and was actually starting to feel like I had moved past it and was just in a good space;until my ex popped back in just to say “hi” SMH! I had shut off all communication between myself and him and was feeling very proud of myself because the aftermath of the breakup almost BROKE ME!! I had returned every single thing he had ever given me..why would I keep it to remind myself of a love and relationship that wasted almost 7 years of my life and was NOT REAL? I saw no reason to keep anything..and then one day I was curious to know what he was up to and looked at his FB page..SIGH..BIG MISTAKE! I think he knew it was me because I started liking his post and laughing at some of the funny comments and then …I was downtown and got a boot on my car;it was $70.00 to remove it, I had some cash, but didn’t have my debit card on me. I called him but he didn’t answer.2 weeks later I noticed a Fb message from him and it started from there..he called one Friday to see if I had eaten dinner and I was shocked to say the least,he then went on to say that he wanted us to basically keep in touch because he wanted to know what was going on with me and my life. Um…….ok. the next Friday he called again, but that was shampoo day for me-I’m a Black woman with a lot of natural hair and that’s a process so I told him to call me tomorrow..HE DID. We hung out and talked about a lot of things including the woman who attacked him and tried to hurt him. I have watched him go through a lot of women since breaking up with me and each time..it crushed me so now that I believed he was single,I thought maybe …just maybe there was still a chance for us to get to know each other again and begin a new and stronger friendship…that led to a new relationship.When I asked about this one particular “friend” of his,he totally denied that he was into her or that anything was going on with him.I believed him and well……..SIGH! let’s just say I got too caught up in the moment. Fast forward to Monday of last week and as soon as I log into FB..BAM! Blah…Blah is in a new relationship (WAIT…WHAT!!!!)Further down in the comment section,he posted a picture of her-The same girl who was only his “friend” when we were together..the one he said he wasn’t attracted to and even went as far as to call her ugly. CRUSHED once again..so when I confronted him and asked him why he would intentionally lie to me about her..he tried to claim that he did not.He kept asking me if I would be good and act right and basically not say anything to her about him CHEATING with me. Why am I so torn with whether I should tell her or not? He is very mean to me and I feel like a fool for talking to him and now for the past week ,I have been crying and not sleeping while he’s out posting pics of himself and her. I am so angry with myself and I feel like a FOOL!

  • Anita Hisir

    Kavita, I love this post! For female entrepreneurs who feel we have to keep it all together, it’s such a relief to give ourselves permission to simply BE in the moment with our self. I often feel like there’s just not enough time in our day to be excited, or sad, upset, angry, or jealous because we’ve got to get those emails sent out! Attend that meeting! Consult with that Client! By giving ourselves permission to BE in the moment with ourselves we’re giving ourselves the time to truly enjoy the nectar of life.

    Thanks for sharing this post and your wisdom in it!