BLOG

Interesting Image

Telling a man you like him is simple, so why does it feel so difficult?

Happy New Year! I hope you’re having a really great start to your 2016.

Today I want to share a conversation I had with a woman recently around being afraid to tell a man she was interested in how she felt. It’s not uncommon, and I have a feeling you and many other women out there could potentially be missing out on your Soul Level Love because of holding back.

The woman I was chatting with, Juliet, started by saying,

“I’ve been friends with this man for about 7 years, and he’s repeatedly told me what I deserve in love. When I went to go visit him this past summer, he wrote a love song to me, and he seems to be alluding to the fact that he’s interested in more than just being friends. But he hasn’t officially made a move. My question is Kavita, what do I do? How do we go from friends to maybe something more?”

I said to Juliet, “Okay got it. You talked a lot about him and his potential feelings, but how do you feel about him? Do you like him?”

She said, “Yes. Absolutely” (I could feel her grin through the phone).

I said, “Okay, so what’s stopping you from telling him?”

“I’m old fashioned.”

I was a little surprised to hear that, and said, “So you would rather forgo telling the love of your life how you feel and hear that he loves you too because you’re old fashioned? I think you’re hiding behind that because you’re terrified of being rejected – which I totally understand – but let’s call it what it really is.”

She started laughing and said, “Okay you’re right! A friend of mine told me the other day that she thinks we both like each other but no one’s saying anything. So, you’re telling me I can just tell him I like him?

“Yes, you totally can,” I reiterated.

“But there’s something else that’s been stopping you. You’re smart, confident, but not able to do it. I mean it’s been close to 7 years! So, what’s really happening under the surface?”

Then I asked her my infamous parent questions, “What was your relationship like with your dad when you were younger?”

[Note: Our love lives aren’t just impacted by the way we related to our father figures. It has to do with how we related to our mothers and close family members, too]

Juliet said, “My dad was emotionally distant. It took him years to even say he loves me. He would often compare my sister and me which felt like he loved her way more.”

THIS was the core to why Juliet hadn’t said anything yet.

And if you’ve found yourself holding back with expressing your feelings with a man,~Contact.FirstName~, it can likely be connected back to feeling like you were never fully loved or accepted by a parent.

I said to Juliet, “If you were to tell the man you love that you love him, and he doesn’t feel the same – you’ll feel like that little girl standing in front her Dad wanting him to love her and put her first.”

She started tearing up and said, “YES!”

So, until Juliet can see that her Dad absolutely loves her just as much as her sister, she will let her fears override your desires. And I mean not just knowing it in your head, but FEELING it in your body.

Until that happens, and you can feel you are fully loved and accepted, you won’t allow yourself to be fully expressed with a man.

So how do you do that?

Well, as I said to Juliet, that’s why I have my Soul Level Love program, which walks you through how to get to the core of what keeps us pushing love away.

Because again, something beyond reason has been stopping you for years now from telling him how you feel.

But the first step I gave her and will give you here now too is:

Face the idea that by fearing expressing how you feel, you are prioritizing the possibility of it not working out over the possibility that it can be exactly what you want.

There is literally a 50/50 chance.

When you can admit the truth to yourself – that you’re letting your fears override your desires – something starts to shift.

It creates a consciousness that gives you access to a different kind of choice.

The truth will set you free.

So your Lovework this week is to reflect on how you’re currently hiding behind excuses like “I am too old fashioned”, “I don’t want to lose a friend”, or “What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”.

How can you put YOUR desires first, instead?

Tell me how this post resonated with you, and what you plan to do next to be in action. This is a juicy one. I want to hear all about it below in the comments.

In Love,
Kavita

WANT MORE STUFF LIKE THIS?

Sign up for free updates

SHARE THIS POST

  • Shar

    Loved the 50/50 chance reminder. So often in life I tend to veer toward what could go wrong instead of the opportunities of things going absolutely right. And I have found most times, things may not go how planned as “right” but go so much better than I imagined. I am not in a place right now where there is a man I am interested in this way but thinking on the positive end of the 50 is something I am striving to keep in mind in every aspect of life.
    Shar

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      YES! Thanks for sharing Shar 🙂 There is always, always a chance.

  • Michelle

    I have actually shared with a friend that I was falling in love with him and he said he doesn’t feel the same. Yet, when he sends me texts he tells me he loves me and sometimes at the end of phone conversations. Although,he says he isn’t there emotionally, I think his actions says he is. One part of me wanted to run away because of the rejection but the other part of me values our friendship. I really don’t know what to do. My father was never present in my life and once we reconnected, he still doesn’t express love towards me. My mom is very controlling so, right now I don’t have the best relationship with either of my parents. Do you have any suggestions?

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      Hi Michelle. Thank you so much for your vulnerability in your comment. Have you asked your friend why he says I love you at the end of the calls? Is he saying he loves you, as a friend? It is okay to ask him that saying that because you’ve shared how you feel and your friendship is important to you, you want to be clear on what he means. Based on his answer, it is important for you to take that in and BELIEVE him. Let me know how it goes. xx

    • Marie

      Michelle, I can relate. I also had no father present, mother controlling…and I tend to meet “ambivalent guys”. Big hugs.

  • Becky

    This totally works! It’s scary but I’ve done it in the past and I brings such clarity direction and purpose to the relationship for better or worse, but at least you’re y will know instead of being in limbo. Best of luck!

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      YES Becky! And that’s what it’s all about. Clarity so you can filter out the wrong men faster! Thank you for sharing <3

  • Lorraine Gugliuzza

    Just to be up front, there ain’t nothin juicy happenin in my life !

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      Hi Lorraine – thanks for sharing! I’m sure that’s not true 🙂 What’s something you’re really thankful for in your life right now?

      • Lorraine Gugliuzza

        Hi, there are plenty of great things happening actually, just no in person men in my life atm. They are all online ! One great thing I will mention; shame is leaving my life for good. That is a Christian matter for me.This is where my freedom is coming to me from. I am so grateful !!

        • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

          Amazing! That’s great Lorraine. Focus there. He will come!

  • Isabelle

    Hi Kavita, I took inspiration from a few of your other blog entries.

    In one you pointed out that saving oneself from embarrassment is a close-hearted position. After reading some more of your posts I finally got the courage to email this dude I’d had a pretty heavy crush on for a long time. I hadn’t talked to him in over a year and we’d recently gotten back in touch, but I’d still had feelings for him that weren’t budging. I finally emailed him telling him that I still loved him.

    I haven’t heard back but honestly, I don’t regret it. There was no other way to have stopped the endless loop of “whatifwhatifwhatif” that was playing on repeat in my brain. In a way, coming clean to him was just what I needed to loosen my grip.

    I still care about him, but his not responding shows me what kind of a person he is and I can live with his not feeling the same way.

    Thank you so much for you website and blog! Your perspective has certianly been helpful to me.

    • Elee

      Isabelle, kudos to you for being brave! And yes, I agree, the feeling is so much better once we have let it out. On New Year’s day, I was in a conversation with some fellow travelers, and one guy said, “Go big or go home…” over waffles. That saying is stuck in my head now. I think I’m going to tell my dude (well, not exactly mine, but the dude) the next time I come face to face. Wish me the best… and like you said, if it’s not a mutual feeling, I can live with it and move on with still a sense of dignity.

      • Isabelle

        You have nothing to lose by speaking up.

        Good luck Elee!

      • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

        You can do it Elee! Thank you for being here

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      Isabelle, this is AMAZING. So flattered, really that you took some of what I’ve shared and put it into action. THAT is what it is all about. You’ve expressed what you feel and truly that has been what has been holding a lot of the emotion in. SO proud of you!

  • Marie

    I met a great guy I liked in a working place where I was as a visiting researcher for 9 months only. He semt to like me, invited me for coffee, talked to me, cared for me, however never made any other move, and as I was less and less in the same working place and had some other serious health difficulties that dating semt not possible for me that time, we did not see that much. Last 2 months I was there, he was still very attentive to me (way too much over “collegues”). I put myself more forward and asked him more, showed up more although it was sometimes tricky with my health…but nothing happened. Last weeks I started to tell him step by step what I like on him, that I am grateful he helped with that or that (althout it were super little things). I wanted to tell him that I like him, however, I did not make it that far, I was too afraid of the rejection, of looking stupid. Often, when I came closer to him, he crossed his arms, did not comment when I told him something nice.
    When I was leaving, I gave him a little present. He said it was “too much”, but he embrassed me, asked me for my e-mail address. I offered him to visite me, but he made kind of move that I understood he did not want to.
    Today, I would have been more straigthforeward and would ask more directely, why he was so nice and attentive with me, almost flirting ? To make it clear for me, don´t think of it in my head for many months afterwards. I am still not clear on that and it takes up my energy. Perhaps he had a girlfriend, perhaps he was only into his career, perhaps he did not like me as a potential date, partner, perhas he was “practising flirting”. However, I´d not like to stay guessing, be part of this ambivalence. I´d like to have clarity.

  • Lorraine Gugliuzza

    I think this statement was powerful for me ::
    When you can admit that you’re letting your fears override your desires – something starts to shift…. It did