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maybe leading with your heart hasn’t gotten you into trouble

I said to my client, “Let your heart lead the way and it won’t steer you in the wrong direction.”

She said, “It’s the listening to my heart that has gotten me into trouble in the past.”

I’ve heard this a lot from clients, regardless of their relationship status, where they believe that following their hearts in love has lead them to making mistakes.

This just isn’t true.

As imperfect humans our mind, the ego, is constantly looking for ways to be, act, and think perfectly.

Interesting right!?

Our ego believes that if we lead from the mind and not the heart, we don’t ever have to feel hurt or pain, and for the mind that means always feeling safe and secure.

In striving for perfection, our mind will create all kinds of rules, formulas, or ways it thinks it can ensure you never have to feel rejected, heartbroken, or in pain when it comes to love.

Such as,

if I just shut down or ignore it, somehow it will go away,
I don’t want to seem too needy or clingy,
next time I will take things slowly,
I won’t let myself get too excited,
I will make sure to not be as picky

However, I think you see the problem here.

There is no way to avoid heartbreak, feeling hurt, or rejection when it comes to love, falling in love, being intimate, and having a deeply fulfilling relationship.

This is where people get things mixed up.

They feel that following their heart is irrational and will lead to heartbreak. But it doesn’t matter if you follow your head or your heart, you aren’t going to avoid making mistakes.

Following your heart has allowed you to LIVE, to experience life in ways that leaves you with little regret.

You’ve experienced moments of bliss, passion, and undeniable joy.

Without those experiences of…

falling in love,
giving a relationship a shot even if you stayed in it too long,
loving someone that doesn’t love you back,
crying over a past love for way too long,
losing yourself in a relationship

You wouldn’t be who you are today right now in this moment.

When you relate to these moments of heartbreak as a way to evolve yourself, you can transform the way you receive and give love in profound ways.

In fact nothing else, other than having children, can come close to showing you the unconscious patterns (karmic entanglements) that have you relating to others and yourself in ways that aren’t serving you.

There is an ocean of love that exists inside of you, and you can’t see or experience the depth of it because of these unconscious patterns.

So, it’s essential to lead with your heart because the head will rationalize and justify all the joy and bliss in your life away.

Lead with your heart knowing every moment you do experience hurt or pain in your love journey, it’s calling you to look within. It’s a calling to release something old to then open yourself up to something new and freeing.

Who’s in?

If it’s hard to drop into your heart, try this. Think of someone you deeply love in your life and voila that warmth in your heart drops you right in.

Tell me in the comments below, what do you think? Are you willing to lead with your heart?

In Love,
Kavita

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  • Karalee Ann Anniss

    I listen to my heart all the time. Ive been with my partner for 14 years we have three kids together. We have been through so much together he is in prison at the moment has been since 2013 this road hasn’t been easy on our relationship or our children. At times we both want to walk away that’s our heads our hearts are telling us differently. By all means people judge people are in tiled to their own opinions. You never truly understand someones situation unless you have or are going through it your self. Yes I think for my self my heart has put me where I am meant to be

    • Kristina

      Wow. Beautiful, Karalee.

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      Karalee, so good. You are right you get to live your life your way.

  • Gigi Garas

    I can totally relate to the part which says following your heart has always led into trouble. But if I look back I would really not be the person I am today, I am so much stronger and love myself more, managed to set boundaries as well. Now I have a big decision to make to follow my heart or my head. But I feel that my heart has already made the decision. Booked a ticket to see the one who I love. He is far away but it is so strange because I don’t even care of the distance. It is just my family who is pulling me back. Of course they are trying to protect me, don’t go you will make a mistake, it is dangerous. I feel I need to see it on my own if it is really a mistake or not.

    • Kristina

      Gigi, I have been in a similar situation. Many years ago, I had been traveling to see my boyfriend (distant)….because he did not do it for me. When the relationship ended, I was seeing from my head how I was doing too much for him, the money I invested…..following my heart: also today, I know that I stepped with full heart there, with both legs….and the relationship ended short after it. I received more clarity for my heart. Good luck !

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      Gigi, follow your heart of course be discerning, but yes see it on your own. Good for you.

  • Sandra Barrow

    I ruled with my heart but now rule with my head.. ive been with a guy for 18 months now.. ive told him and showed him so much love but he wants it all his way like what days he wants to see me etc.. i feel so rejected.. he does tell me he loves me but never shows it so now i cant rule with my heart with him…

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      Sandra, so ruling with your head isn’t working right. When I saw ruling with your heart, your heart will tell you that enough is enough, but the head sometimes won’t allow you to take that in. If you check in with your heart what is it telling you?

  • Amber Hartson

    I would love to live from my heart solely, but I have found I may have ruined everything that way butim having more of a hard time not leading my life through my heart, that’s sorta my thing but he dumped me…
    It was really weird how it all played out so not only am I heart broken n feel the urge to cry n lash out but that shall defeat zero purpose so instead I fight myself to hold back from texting or calling.
    I however did break down and text about 4 days after leaving his place then once more yesterday. I am so lost n confused what happened but telling him I love him was the biggest mistake I think but my heart keeps trying too get out n find it’s one in whichi would not mind but he hates me enough as is I guess so I better not

    • Kristina

      Hi Amber. I am sorry for your pain.
      Hm, maybe I am not alone. I remember telling one guy I liked that I like how he is treating me, he was like the sunshine…and I gave him a gift,my e-mail and invited him to visit me. He rejected me (even though he had been apparently flirting with me heavily past 9 months and when I “made the move to get clarity”, he said no (but it was even not verbal from his side). It was the first time I was rejected, but also the first time I had the courage to tell a guy that I liked him. I was angry at this guy, he somehow put me down, sarcastically, I was about to leave the place -never heard about him anymore. In the long run, it was good for me that I told him. Such a big jump for my heart ! It feels so bad to be rejected,but it was my truth.
      I think that you are very brave to tell him that you love him.

      A similar story is maybe happening again for me with one of my last guy friends (who also started to bomb me with e-mails after I send him a card for a holiday). Then, I sent him a birthday card, in between I sent him an article I found about men, the heart of a man. He started to withdraw greatly from me,being sarcastic (even though it was not me who was writing to him -being the clingy, needy one). It feels bad not to be able to be excited, be labeled as needy for wanting connection, friendship, love….It feels as heartbreak. I also think that it was a mistake to tell this guy friend about this article, sending him birthday card (things would be as before, I would have a friend)….but maybe it was not a mistake. It was what your heart felt.
      Only to survive and pass through the heartbreak is tough.
      Hugs and blessings.

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      Amber it’s great you told him you loved him if that was authentic and true for you. It’s beautiful to love. Love isn’t something we use as a way to feel in control, it does feel out of control. You’re allowed to express your feelings, from a place of understanding your role in this relationship and then his. It’s painful heartbreak and a time to reflect and look inwards to evolve and grow. Thank you for sharing!

  • Sheralot

    if it were this easy, we would all be in fulfilling relationships, rather than betrayals, heartbreaks, and other unconscious patterns. The key is to CLEAR the unconscious patterns for ever. This takes ALOT of work, unraveling. Body, mind, and spirit are involved

    • http://kavitajpatel.com Kavita J Patel

      Sheralot, yes it does. Like anything good it requires effort. But you will be rewarded in major ways. Looking inwards is much easier than what most of us are doing which is relaying on the external to solve or fulfill on what’s happening inside.

  • Kristina

    Thank you very much, Kavita for your teaching ! I had been always
    helpful listening to my heart. I am in a situation when I had been
    heavily thinking what to do with a guy friend of 10 years: My heart
    feels unseen, unheard, he is talking mainly about him, his interests, he
    does not ask anything about me, when I am sick, he sends photos of his
    last traveling, he writes to me that he has no time answering my
    birthday card to him because he is busy answering other people who sent
    him a birthday card. I noticed this behavior just short time ago, but it
    must have been there since ever with him. My head is telling me: don´t
    write to him, let it be, ignore it, it will go away, wait until he
    writes to me, don´t be too pushy for a guy friend, don´t be too needy or
    clingy, be considerate of him (he is having a program for him….he has
    no time for me), what would you tell after so many years, don´t be
    angry ….and he is one of my last friends, definitely the last guy
    friend: I am so scared what will happen when I will stay alone, be the
    one who cuts myself off the support, experience heartbreak of losing the
    friendship, being too harsh to him, to myself=doing a mistake.

    My heart is screaming: this hurts ! This is not how I want to treated. I don´t want it !
    I
    spend weeks on thinking about it, I felt very bad. Finally I wrote an
    e-mail where I try to open to my feelings about the birthday card…..I
    chose only this topic, the most acute thing being on my heart.

    I am risking that I will lose this friendship.
    The thing is that the big fear of heartbreak is coming out of my body, I feel happier and uplifted that I expressed myself.

    Kavita,I
    would like to ask for your advice when you can: is it a good way to put
    up the boundary, speak out, follow my heart….and at the same do not
    cut the flow of love (to this friend) completely ? The love in my heart
    as a safe space to be able to be vulnerable (otherwise I would shake of
    fear of losing the support). My heart can get me through the loss ?
    Thank you very much.