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Will you judge me for this?

judgingAs you read this I am moving into my new place, which is AMAZING. I have been waiting for this day for at least 3 years and am especially excited because I’m moving into a building that I’ve dreamed about living in for years. I am so grateful to be ALIVE and empowered to create a life that I absolutely love.

It wasn’t always like this though; I used to be stuck and afraid. One excuse I used to use frequently to stop me was wondering what others thought of me, aka judgment.

I have had too many women tell me that it is difficult to put themselves out there, start dating, or even say what they really feel in relationships. The reason they feel this way is because they don’t want to be judged by others. And this is what is stopping them from getting bold in love.

Have you ever been to a networking event and felt totally awkward meeting strangers? Most people I know dread networking events. What do you say? Who should you talk to? You feel a little squimish inside because you see some people sticking to the people they already know and yet others that are all about meeting new people. You think to yourself, “Well I don’t want to come off desperate like the ones that are too eager to meet new people, but the ones that are being clicky feel unapproachable.” So you try to pick out someone in the room that doesn’t look intimidating and say hello.

Meanwhile what is really going on in your head is:

Do I look okay?

Do I smell?

What is this person going to think of me? They seem to know what they are doing…will I look like a novice or not smart enough?

I don’t feel very cool; these people seem cool and I don’t want them thinking I am a total loser.

The more thoughts we have like this, the more likely we stay to ourselves, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, while feeling super inadequate and creating a neon sign on our forehead that says “Stay Away.”

I know we all think that we don’t want to be judged, but I want to tell you that judgment is everywhere! You are judging constantly [oh yeah you heard me right, you are doing it all the time] and so is every human being on this planet. It is a human characteristic. I love it when people say “I have no judgment, and…” because that simply means you are judging, but you just don’t want to come off as if you are. That is total BS. I have even found that those that pride themselves on being less judgmental are usually the most judgmental because what you resist persists.

Now listen, the reason I am revealing this to you is because judgment is an essential part of how we make decisions, and is absolutely needed. Without it we wouldn’t know if we like blue coach or a red one.

One definition of judgment is the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions.

Now some of you are thinking, “Okay great, so how does this help me date or find love?”

Well, when you are comfortable in knowing that you and every human on the planet is constantly judging, then you can OWN it versus pretending you’re not. This then gives you room to understand and be less afraid of others judging you. Let me explain a bit.

There is something amazing that happens when you can own who you are as a unique person and it literally sets you free. (CLICK HERE TO TWEET)

I wrote a post on how I for years felt (because I was told), that I am an intense person, and for a long time I hated hearing that and would want to be different. It literally plagued me. However, when I started owning that, I realized that it was my gift. Seeing things in ways that most people don’t was a gift too. I no longer cared when someone would tell me that I was intense. I stopped resisting and I was freed.

I want you to own your judgments; it makes you who you are. Know that other people are simply doing the same thing- expressing their preferences. That will empower you to be more social and connect with men and women in ways you haven’t had access to in the past for the FEAR of being judged.

Lovework:

The only thing that really shifts fear is to experience something different. This week I want you to talk to a stranger. Maybe it’s in line at Starbucks, at the post office or in the elevator. Tell yourself, “There is nothing this person is thinking that I don’t already think about myself, so what is stopping me from saying hello and striking up a conversation?” The little voice in your head will say NOTHING.  Then simply say hello and talk about the first thing you can think of, even something as small as the weather. There is no perfect thing to say, just converse. The more you connect with people, the more you are open to really letting love in.

Tell me in the COMMENTS below how judgment is currently stopping you in your life, and what you are going to do about it now.

In happiness,


 

 

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2 Responses to Will you judge me for this?
  1. mary
    January 19, 2013 | 4:06 pm

    Kavita, good morning and once again thank you for an insightful article. I will now warmly accept my judgmental tendancies and stop apologizing for them each time I catch myself. I recently ended a relationship with a man that was 15 years my jr. mainly because of my judgemental ways choosing whom I believe, would be a great partner for me. So the realization after reading tour article that it is simply our personal preferance mechanism helps me to be more accepting of this side of me that I have been taught is wrong, is much more comforting now. Thanks for the lesson well learned and I will definately pass on the knowledge.

    • Kavita
      February 12, 2013 | 2:28 am

      I am so happy to hear that Mary that this article was helpful to you!

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