Are you seeking pleasure?


This past week was a little crazy for me. My husband and I were looking for apartments near Kallang Riverside and here in NYC. I am pretty tired of the apartment we are currently in and have been waiting to find the perfect place to move. The reasons I am tired of it 1) the space and 2) we have been there for 5 years now. It is time for a change!

On Saturday, we went to go look at an apartment that was the closest to everything we were looking for, and when we got there we both felt it wasn’t right. It was just a feeling but that’s all we needed to know it just wasn’t it.


Once we left the open house while walking home, all of a sudden I was hit with a ton of emotions. I was angry, sad, wanting to cry. I had a knot in my throat. I couldn’t control any of it.

All of the tolerating I was doing in the current apartment threw up in my head and filled me with anxiety and fear that I will never have what I want.

Then the child in me came out. I wanted to scream. I want a new apartment because I want it, I was already looking for moving company. That is literally what I was feeling.

I turned to my husband and said I am frustrated and upset that we just can’t seem to find a place that we love, and I feel like we will never move! Of course it was in a harsh tone, but because I was honest about what I was feeling and not blaming him for it. He said “I know I get it, but why are you so annoyed with our current place? We have been there this long.”


It was an interesting question he posed. I couldn’t quite digest it at that moment, because I was so angry. But I thought about it that night.

What I realized was at some point I had decided to wait on things, wait to get new sheets, wait to get a new couch, wait to get new towels, until we had a new apartment.

All of that waiting basically set me up to want to get out of the apartment now, so that I could enjoy and beautify my space again. It created a lot of desperation and frustration. And desperation is NOT attractive, let me tell you.


So, what I ended up doing after making this realization was buy everything I had been wanting for my current apartment (yes I am in the process of buying the couch), and miraculously I was okay again. I was able to appreciate my apartment the way I did when we first got it. I was able to let go of the frustration and seek pleasure by not denying myself of what I really wanted now.

Relating this back to your relationship, sometimes without even knowing it we will deny ourselves from having what we really want in our relationship. On some deeper level we feel we shouldn’t want it or we shouldn’t say what is on our minds, so it doesn’t make our partner upset.

The way this shows up in our lives is…

We clean the dishes hoping that our man will help us out around the house one day, just by noticing how hard you are working.

We feel we can’t ask for a key to his apartment because it may trigger something in him, but we are practically living with our boyfriend.

We don’t ask to take some time off together.

We don’t ask for a hug, when we really want to feel loved.


This week take one way you are denying yourself something in your relationship and set yourself free. You deserve it and if you don’t feel like you do, just believe me when I say it will be better for you and your man at the end of the day.  Once you ask for what you want, buy something you desire, find pleasure in interacting with him. You will begin feel more enjoyment in your relationship instead of it constantly feeling like work.

Here are some ideas that you can take from me:

Say something to your man that you haven’t told him that you have been dying to say.

Buy that red smoking sexy dress now, not when you lose weight, so you can get your groove back.

Research and start booking that vacation you so deserve.

Book an appointment to get a massage.

In Love,


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