I was asked the other day, “When it comes to finding the right man, what is the first mistake most women make when they are single and mingling?”
Great question… right?
I immediately answered it by saying that women don’t CHOOSE enough.
What do I mean by that? Well typically—and I am slightly generalizing here—a man likes a girl and pursues/chases her, whether you met online or out at the local coffee shop. It’s good to allow the man to pursue you (see below for why).
It starts when, after the first couple of dates, you realize that he is pretty amazing. He opens doors, pays for everything, looks at you like you are the only woman in the room, he has a good job, and the list goes on. As women we say to ourselves, “Wow he is really great in every way. There are a couple of things that are missing, like there isn’t that much chemistry for me…” But we sweep that under the rug and move forward, accepting the guy that has chosen us rather than choosing for ourselves.
Then fast forward several months or years, and something just doesn’t feel right again. What drew him to you feels like a distant memory for him, and for you it feels like “How did I get here?”
Well, the biggest mistake I see women make is that we don’t CHOOSE. The men are the chasers but the issue arises when we just accept that man, without saying right back I CHOOSE you and would have chased you given the opportunity. We just allow a man to plop into our life, because on some deep-rooted level, we don’t feel we deserved him in the first place. We feel like, “Wow he is great on paper, I SHOULD like him.” We force ourselves to like him because we feel we will never find a man like this, or we think, “Wow someone loves me like this?! I better keep him for as long as I can!”
Do you see how these thoughts are holding us back from actually CHOOSING the kind of love and man that is right for us? The kind of man that you want to jump in bed with and snuggle on the couch with while having a deep conversation? Realize that you are worth that, you are worth and deserve to having everything you want in a man, chemistry and all. So ask yourself, “Would this man be the person I would have chased because I had to have him?”
Here is tip on how men work: they inherently want to provide for their families and they also want to feel rewarded for their efforts. So, for them it is always about the chase, whether it be at work or at home. At work the reward is financial gain. At home it is love and appreciation, so they need to exercise this part of who they are to really know when a woman is It for them. So a woman must choose a man she can truly love and appreciate, because that’s what her man keeps pursuing her for.
Trust me—this is coming from a woman that pursued her man, now husband. However, after dating for 4 years and then breaking up for 2, in order for him to fully commit to me he had to get me back and pursue me. He did, I chose him, and that is why we got married.