I have been talking with so many of you over the last couple of days in my infamous Love Breakthrough sessions, and there is a common theme that I am finding amongst all of the conversations that I am having with these amazing women.
So many women have stopped believing that what they want in love is possible.
That’s why I want to share this brief but powerful story with you.
Yesterday I had a conversation with an incredible woman who told me all about her most recent relationships. She had broken up with two men in the past five years, one of them being very close to engagement.
We unearthed her pattern in love and discovered that in both relationships, she allowed the man to convince her of things that he wanted when she herself wasn’t quite sure if it was something she wanted. For example, she knew she wanted children, but he said he didn’t. And so she began questioning whether she
actually wanted them.
She also came from a family where expressing yourself wasn’t natural, safe, or promoted. So, she believed that if she were to really express her true feelings and thoughts, it might cause controversy. Or it might mean the end of the relationship. The result is that in relationships, she held back her feelings and would not communicate her needs.
In both relationships, she kept quiet for most of it. And when she did speak up, she was at her wits end with not expressing herself — so at that point, he did break up with her. And this just proved to her that expressing herself was bad.
Do you see the pattern?
Because she already had a belief in her mind that if she expresses herself, something bad will happen, subconsciously this kept coming true in relationships for her. She couldn’t even remember making that choice consciously – it was simply a result of the way she had been raised.
Now this is a powerful woman who is extremely successful. But because her experience had been that each time she expressed herself, the man shut her out, this pattern made her wonder: Can I EVER find a man that will be someone that can accept all of me?
What I want you to totally get from this conversation is that what you have experienced in LOVE has mostly come from a pre-fixed belief created long ago, from the age of 0 to 7.
Take a moment to really get that.
What you have experienced in LOVE has been the result of your pre-fixed beliefs created from the age of 0 to 7.
And the only way to now open up and feel that LOVE is possible in the way you imagine and desire it to be is to identify these beliefs and begin to prove them wrong by creating an entire new experience for yourself.
When you release these old patterns, guess what happens?
If you are already in a committed relationship, the man steps into your life in a totally different way, and begins seeing you and interacting with you in a new, positive light.
If you are single and mingling, then the kind of man you want in your life starts to show up while you are picking out avocadoes at the grocery store.
This week’s Lovework is:
Identify what has stopped you in your previous relationships from fully expressing yourself. What has stopped you from saying what is on your mind?
Notice why you choose that path: is it easier?
Are you avoiding something?
Then start to connect the dots around where else in your life you have exhibited that same behavior and what results it is giving you.
Are you seeing that it leaves you feeling like you don’t know what you want, you don’t feel clear, it keeps you stuck, and you don’t have to make any decisions?
Also begin to notice how you feel. Does this bring up resentment, bitterness, anger, not feeling understood, heard, or listened to?
Today, pick a moment consciously, and when you catch yourself not expressing what you really want, say it anyhow!
It won’t feel totally comfortable, but do it anyhow.
You will see the shift it can make in your life through this new way of being: you will experience relief, freedom, clarity.
Keep at it!
Can you see how you might be holding yourself back from speaking up due to some early conditioning? Have you begun speaking up even though you might feel scared? Share your thoughts in the comments!