Yesterday I attended a Seth Godin event in NYC. He’s the marketing guru and writer of Purple Cow, Tribes, and other amazing books. Can I just say: Genius!
The event’s main theme was Pick Yourself. And although the event was all about marketing, I started relating his concepts to love and relationships. Of course I did!
So, I want to share with you, specifically, what I learned about love from him. Seth spoke about how the greatest products on the market that have made it BIG — like Facebook, Google, and Apple, — all have created products that help us to connect with one another better, faster, and more conveniently, is just that marketing is a big part of these companies, since this is what produce sells, and that’s why many professionals in places like Riverside such as Tom Johnston dedicate solely to marketing for other companies.
Is just marketing is a big part
This is crucial for every single one of us because it hits a very core, basic human requirement: I don’t want to be ALONE. So, if there is a great way to connect with others, we purchase it, sign up, or order it so we can feel in touch with our loved ones and the world.
Here’s an example that Seth gave which really hit home with me: In India, you will see that everyone has a cell phone. Even the guy that is living in slums in a 5 x 5 foot home will have a cell phone. Why? Because it is a way to stay connected, whether he wants to call family in the village (which used to take him hours to find) or to check the rates for corn to find out if he is pricing his products appropriately.
It is through this connection that we all feel more alive and fulfilled in life.
To know there are other people wanting to hear from us or check in with us gives us a sense of worth and belongingness.
Recently, I was speaking with a client of mine that said she loved doing activities and going on adventures. She asked me if she should date someone with the same lifestyle so she could feel like they are on the same page.
To find out, we dug a little deeper.
I asked her if she normally goes with other people on these adventures. She answered that she had in the past, but since usually friends or dates don’t want to go, she’d just go by herself.
Then I asked her if she likes going on dinner-and-a-movie dates, to which she responded, “Absolutely not, I would rather do an activity.” She then went on to say she doesn’t really go out with friends very often. She tends to do things on her own.
And as soon as she said that, alarms went off in my head.
When someone is getting used to doing things on their own, what that says is that they don’t want to include others because it feels like a burden, and they feel they would have to get emotionally involved.
Well, I have to tell you:
If you WANT and DESIRE lasting LOVE, then you have to get emotionally involved.
The reason my client resisted this is because from a young age, she heard her mom say that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself. This is NOT TRUE.
We literally could not exist individually without the help of others. The plumber fixes the pipes. The person at the grocery story tells you where to find peanut butter. The bank teller gives you money.
This belief is what has held her back from engaging and connecting both emotionally and physically with a man as well as with friends. And when she’d take adventures or go do activities, she didn’t have to get emotionally involved and could lose herself in the activity.
But this is not the path to inviting in love or creating a bond with a man that lasts, because you are constantly avoiding that deep connection, so you won’t get hurt.
The bottom line is:
Having a deeply satisfying relationship means you might get hurt. But how much of your life are you going to live in fear of getting hurt, and not allow yourself to FEEL what all of us CRAVE every single moment of our lives: LOVE.
Blocking connection will only make you feel more alone and more alienated in the world. Don’t fall into that trap.
Connection is queen in your pursuit of happiness and love!
So, this week’s Lovework is:
Ask a friend, man, or family member out and CONNECT. Go out to dinner, exchange ideas, say what you think and feel, be receptive to their opinions and thoughts, listen, and reflect. Be kind to yourself and the other person in the interaction. And start to LET the LOVE you have for those closest to you be expressed, and received by them, and from them to you.