I am currently writing to you from my parents’ home in Cincinnati, OH and it feels amazing to be in the house that I grew up in. Even though I call NYC home, my first home is this one. Pure bliss for me is being home with my parents, chatting, connecting, sometimes arguing, then getting over it and loving each other again.
Trust me, coming home and interacting with my parents wasn’t always this anxiety free. As you know, my biggest message is that the fastest way to finding and having lasting love whether you are single or married is to allow your parents to love and support you. I am not talking about the head stuff of “Oh I know they love and support me,” but rather emotionally feeling within your body how much they truly love and support you, to the degree that it can bring tears to your eyes.
For obvious reasons, it is not easy to reconcile situations with our parents. Every situation has a ton of triggers and sometimes it takes something this BIG to break through.
I was raised Jain. If you haven’t heard of it, it is one of the oldest religions in the world, and contributes to my view of life in a major way. It is considered more of a philosophy and a way of life.
Jain dharma at its core stands for non-violence, or Ahimsa. To give you a sense of how deeply we believe in non-violence, one of Gandhi’s guru’s was Jain.
Hands down, the #1 principal that has given me access to feeling this love from my parents has been Anekantavad.
Anekantavad is a core principal of Jain dharma (belief) . Anekantavad means multiplicity of viewpoint, which also means that truth and reality are perceived differently from diverse points of view, and that no single point of view is the complete truth. For me, each person’s truth is their truth, yet not the full story. In one word, it’s their PERSPECTIVE.
The scientific reason for why realizing perspective is everything is because the brain literally cannot have an open loop. If you are witnessing a magician and there is something you can’t comprehend, your brain won’t just accept that it is an open question, it will fill in the blank. It will create a story to explain why what you just saw is possible.
Here’s another example- If we walk out the door and see a man who has fallen off his bike onto the street, given my experiences and point of view in that moment, I would create a story that fits with my paradigm of life. I could say “Oh, I bet a car tossed him over” because I was almost hit by a car on my bike last year. Another person would say “He probably went to make a sharp turn and fell off.”
However, the truth is with the man that fell off the bike, and even that is given his perspective. If another biker was passing by at that exact same moment he could probably tell you another version.
The reason I am telling you about this principal is because it applies to our love lives as well. Love is absolutely our natural state but we can easily block it from being expressed or let in unless we have space for it to be FELT in our lives. If we are constantly judging, creating rules, setting up too many boundaries, dropping friends if they don’t fit in with the way we do things, shutting people out, not trusting, feeling alone a lot, or thinking we are constantly right, then there is very little space for love to flow.
Understanding that your truth or experiences in life are just one piece of the puzzle emotionally gives you WAY MORE space. Ultimately what I am saying is that when we seek out ways to realize that everyone is right given their perspective, there is so much more flexibility in our thinking which allows us to FEEL more.
This week’s Lovework:
My mission to you if you choose to accept it in this week’s Lovework is to think of a moment where you were completely hurt by another person, maybe a friend or family member. Replay one moment with that person in your head. Begin to take on the role of a fly on the wall watching you and this person having a conversation. You are not you in that moment but someone watching the conversation. Start to seek out how the situation looks or feels different from the way you remember it.
Immediately write down what you are seeing and feeling from the situation and start to connect the dots around how another perspective on that hurtful situation gives way to some space and flexibility, AKA relief.
Tell me what you think of PERSPECTIVE and how understanding it has opened up your way of thinking and letting in love. I REALLY REALLY want to hear this one. Please leave your thoughts below!