If you are already part of the Done With Being Single video series, you know that my first video discussed how your relationship with your parents affects your love life.
This week, I want to tell you another story about how your viewpoint around who your parents are affects your ability to move on from past love, and really let love in. (PS…I am also revealing more on this in the Done With Being Single video and audio series with immersive sound!)
Angie was in a five-year relationship, and in her mind, it was perfect. In the 5th year, she wanted to take the relationship further. She wanted to get married and so she approached the topic with him. She was mortified by the answer she received- he said that he wasn’t ready to take that step with her and probably would never be ready. She was totally devastated. She, along with friends and family, thought that they had a solid, loving relationship with a bright future.
After this happened, she began to doubt herself. When I met Angie, she was still questioning how she had been in such a long-term relationship, and had been so wrong in her expectations. She couldn’t believe that two years had already past and she was still not over that relationship. I asked her what her relationship was like with her mom. She explained that they didn’t really have a great relationship because she felt like her mother has been extremely critical and a nag toward her father.
Growing up, Angie witnessed her mother constantly nagging her father. From that, she decided that she didn’t want to be like her mom nor have the kind of relationship that her parents had. I was then able to connect the dots. I asked her if she had ever brought up the subject of marriage or wanting something more than just dating in the first couple of years. She responded, “No, not really. I just didn’t want to go there and scare him off. I was waiting for him to say something about it.”
Knowing where this was headed, I then asked her if she had stopped herself from asking him about marriage because she didn’t want to seem like a nag. Her response was “ABSOLUTELY!”
I was then able to explain to her that the very thing that she disliked about her parents’ relationship had prevented her from getting what she wanted in her relationship. She had never thought of it that way, and was now able to realize that this was absolutely true.
Angie needed to learn to have the freedom to ask for what she wanted in her relationship, and to work through it with her partner. She understood this, but the big question was still “How do I get over this relationship and move forward now?”
Angie needed to start creating a different perspective of her mom and of her parents’ relationship. Once she stopped judging her mom, she was able to create more compassion for why she is the way she is. This allowed her to have more compassion for herself and to forgive herself, releasing the blame she was still carrying around for the relationship not working out.
Think about your parents’ relationship. What have you resisted or disliked about their specific roles in their relationship? Ask yourself how that has impacted you in your past relationships or your current one.
Please share what you realize below!