This week my parents came to visit me! I was so excited when they told me they were coming. I had told them a couple weeks back that this weekend would be perfect because the rest of the weekends leading up to Done With Being Single Live Event would be packed with preparation. My parents and I had an amazing weekend filled with talking A LOT, eating A LOT, and playing bridge (the card game).
My parents left on Monday, and on Wednesday I was in a business mastermind with my coach Monica Shah. We started off the weekend with a video on Commitment. It was ahhh-mazing. While watching the video I was sweating, my heart was racing, and I completely teared up. The message was so moving.
I see with women I work with all the time that they are simply not committed to their love lives. Yup, that is a truth bomb for you. They are hiding, distracting themselves constantly: throwing themselves into work, into workouts (to lose the weight to feel better about themselves), taking refuge in their home for fear of being rejected by another man (even though the ones that didn’t work out were meant to be that way) or dating without having real purpose behind what they are really looking for.
I have spoken to so many women and when I ask, “What do you want in love?” I hear a hesitation. I hear a feeling of should I really say what I want, or should I say a dumbed down version of it? I hear things like “I want to meet a man I am excited about.” or “I want to have a relationship with someone.”
And because I can feel the desire in every bone in my body from them, I have to then ask, “Do you want to get married and have children?” Some say eventually and others say yes of course. The ones that say eventually are scared to ask for what they really want, and the ones that say of course had to be called out to admit that is what they really want.
Now I don’t care if you don’t want to get married, if you just want to have a long-lasting relationship, but if you want it, you have to stand proud in it.
Listen, one thing I know — and I know it well — is that if you don’t own what it is that you want, it is pretty difficult to stay motivated and to feel the energy and excitement around it to help you make progress and stay committed to what you desire. Giving up is not an option.
And I know why you aren’t declaring it. You have been hurt. You haven’t gotten what you wanted with love in the past — and I am getting BOLD with you — you are still hiding in the past, and you are doing your darndest to stay single right now or unhappy in the relationship you are in.
EVERYONE, and I mean EVERY human being on this planet, has suffered something, gone through trauma, or felt unloved at some point. We all have FEARS and lots of reasons to say to ourselves “give up.”
So it requires something bigger. Something bigger than the fear for you to put it into perspective put it into its place. Fear is there for you to be safe; that is it. And the truth is that you can’t have love if you are playing it safe.
So I am not saying to push the fear away or try harder to overcome it. I am saying the focus needs to be on something bigger than the fear, and that is you going ALL IN after what it is that you want in love. It’s about you being committed to love.
Your Lovework for this week is:
Have you declared what it is that you want in love? No, I mean really! Like a wind-up toy. The toy isn’t going anywhere; it will stay idle until you wind it up. I want you to wind up your desire for love and get committed to it in ways you haven’t been.
I want you to ask yourself, “If I could have anything in love and there were no fears around it, and I could have exactly what I wanted, what would I want in love?” I am not asking for a laundry list of your ideal relationship and man. I want a one-sentence declaration.
Then I want you to say it to friend, and ask them if they believe you. It has to be a friend that will tell you the truth and that you trust. Then keep saying it until she/he believes you.
I hope I lovingly rustled your feathers. (That was the point!) I want to hear from you in the comments below. Tell me what is holding you back in love, right now, and what action are you going to take to commit to love?