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The key to finding your partner in crime

Summer is HERE! It’s official! Who’s ready for some summer lovin’?! I know I am.

Today, I am switching things up and going Q&A style! We are digging into two major questions that come my way all the time around being single and finding love. They are super juicy, so read on!

I am single and this summer, I was invited to tons of weddings. Even though I want to celebrate with my friends, I can’t help but feel bad about myself at weddings. I feel successful in every other area of my life, except for my love life, and I feel so pressured by my parents to meet someone. How can I get through these weddings and actually have fun?

Getting present is super important when it comes to dating and your love life, and it sounds like when you go to celebrate a friend’s nuptials, you just have an in-your-face reminder that you are single and alone. And you aren’t alone!

The “feel bad” feeling comes from watching others have what it is that you feel you want when it comes to love, AND beating yourself up for not having it, with thoughts like: What is wrong with me? How come I can’t get it together in this area of my life and everyone else is moving forward?

Ultimately, what you need to understand is what you resist persists, meaning that when you are beating yourself up, you are creating more lack of love in your life. So in order to reverse the effects of the “feel bad” feeling, the best technique and the age-old foolproof method is to get fully present and to remind yourself, as one of my treasured teachers would say, “Comparison is cancer”.

To get fully present means that you are literally in the NOW, not dragging past thoughts into the present or future-tripping. So, when you are at weddings this summer, make a conscious choice to look for and recognize the love around you and in your life: your friends, family, siblings, co-workers, pets,etc.

See how much you are really, really, really loved. Focus on LOVE, not about having a romantic partner. Get out on the dance floor, go to the kids birthday parties in Peoria (http://www.jumpersjungle.com/peoria/), enjoy the party and celebrate LOVE, because you have plenty of it in your life.

I’m a professional 34-year-old female who seems to either attract or be attracted to men who don’t ever want to get married, have kids, or be in any kind of significant relationship. Many times, I don’t find this out until later and we keep dating because I really do find the person interesting. How do I change my pattern?  I am not dying to get married—I just want to find my “partner in crime” to enjoy life with.

I totally get it! The thing is, you are putting out a vibe that is attracting in these kinds of men. The vibe that you are putting out is that I am not “really” looking. There is a belief that you have that you have to be dying to get married to actually find your “partner in crime”.

The reason I say this is because of the way you asked your question. The “dying to get married” and what you want came right after one another, indicating to me that you actually feel like if someone is dying to get married, then they can find the one they want to be with.

And you are right — you don’t have to be dying to get married to find a partner in crime, but you do need to admit to yourself that wanting a man is important to you in your life, so that you can start vibrating from that place, and calling in a man that is willing to commit and get serious.

Start by simply declaring it out loud to yourself that you want to find a partner that you desire and build a long-term relationship.

Also, the limiting belief that you need to be dying to get married needs to be dissected further. We are digging deep, because subconsciously the way you perceive your parents’ relationship is affecting your love life, and this belief is stemming from them in some way.

Maybe you admire your parents’ relationship, which makes you question if you will ever have what they have. Or maybe you dislike their relationship, making you wonder if you really want that. Calling in a man that is right for you requires digging deeper. Start to look at how you perceive your parents’ relationship, and whether or not you subconsciously want or don’t want what they have.

LOVEWORK:

1) Take a moment to really get present to all the love in your life. Write down a list of all the people or pets that love you and support you – those who are supporting you in life! Get present to how much you are really loved.

2) DECLARE what it is you REALLY want in love. Do you want to find a partner and build a long-term relationship? Write that down. Do you want to get married and have kids? Write that down!

Now… let’s kick off the summer in love! Share your thoughts with me over in the comments below!

In Love,
Kavita

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