Over the weekend, I was at my mentor Monica Shah’s Live Event, called Money 2.0. It was amazing! I was one of the speakers and sponsors. I had a blast connecting with women and helping them break through in love.
One question I kept getting asked was: “Men are intimidated by me. My friends tell me that it can be hard for men to approach me, and that my accomplishments are intimidating to men. In fact, I’ve had men tell me this as well. What do I do?”
Does this resonate with you?
The short and sweet answer is that there is something blocking you from attracting in men that see your accomplishments and success as a quality that makes you even HOTTER. When I say block, I mean there is a belief that you have carried for a long time that is keeping you playing small in your love life, and that is abnormal for you because you are woman that likes to play big.
You might be thinking: “But Kavita, there just aren’t enough of those kind of men out there!”
WRONG. There are so many men out there that would find who you are in all of your glory super attractive.
We need to identify what the belief is and release it so that you are attracting in men that are of your caliber, and so you begin to have the experience that love is possible for you now.
First question I want you to ask yourself is:
What freaks you out about being in a relationship?
If I were to say to you that Mr. Right is ready for you, knocking on your door right now, exactly the kind of man you desire, and you have a partnership that you feel free in. What comes up for you? What fears?
Do you fear:
Losing your independence
Commitment, because what if it doesn’t work out
Losing your freedom
Losing yourself in the relationship
Feeling pressure to be there for the other person
The second question is: Where does that fear come from?
Mom or Dad?
Who in your parents’ relationship did you see lose their independence or freedom? What did it take for your parents to stay together or what pulled them apart?
I asked a woman this weekend these questions (let’s call her Stephanie). I asked her what she was currently experiencing in her love life, and she said “I feel I am intimidating men.” I asked her, “If I were to say Mr. Right is knocking on your door right now, what would come up for you?” She said, “I would lose my freedom and independence.”
I said, “Okay. Was it your mom or your dad who lost themselves in the relationship?” She said no one. I asked her to think for a second. She then said, “OHHHH. My mom and dad got divorced when I was little and ever since my mom has stayed single because she doesn’t want a man to stop her in her life. “
Stephanie said, “My mom will often say, “I just want to do what I want when, so I just would rather not be in a relationship.”
BINGO. That is exactly it. That belief is attracting in men that are not good enough for her because then she doesn’t have to give up her independence and freedom (not that she has to in a real relationship — this is all subconscious). Stephanie wants a masculine man that is confident, accomplished, and can support himself and her. That is exactly what she deserves, and that kind of man would compel her to commit to be in a relationship.
So what can she (and you) do to overturn this belief and magnetize in a man that is masculine and worth your time?
For Stephanie, I asked her to have a conversation with her mom and ask her how she received support and independence from her father when they were still married.
The reality is that when we have support and we let that support in, we can accomplish more in our lives and have more freedom.
I just wanted Stephanie to have this experience and understanding through her mom. Once she sees that, naturally the belief will begin to fall away and she will begin to magnetize men of her caliber in immediately. I have seen it over and over again with my clients.
This week’s Lovework:
Answer the above questions and have a conversation with the parent that you feel the belief came from.
What you want to ask the parent is how they actually felt supported in the relationships they were in. Now, this may take a bit of you digging and asking several kinds of questions, because they have this belief too. However, once you hear the other side of the story it will free you.
Do you have a similar story to Stephanie’s? Can you recognize which parent this belief comes from? Share your thoughts in the comments below!