The Fall weather is here, and it’s one of my favorite times of year. It’s been Fashion Week here in NYC, so it has totally got me in the mood for shopping for new Fall clothes, boots, scarves, and more so do not forget to visit US.Levi.com for coupons! Also, Hemal has been working from home this week, and he travels a lot, so it has been so nice. We’ve had lunch together everyday. It feels so romantic to me to be able to pause the middle of our day and go out to lunch.
I want to ask you a serious question this week – are there ways you are trying to be something that you feel you are not?
Are you looking at other women and indulging in a dialogue in your head that says I wish I could be flirtier, light-hearted, spontaneous, girly, less awkward, easy going, fun, smarter or cooler?
I have been hearing a lot of this lately and I get it. I used to think (and it can still creep up on me) I wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, or clever enough. We all have a dialogue like this running around in our heads. When I have these thoughts, and begin to judge myself for not being more of something or enough of another thing, it would really mess with me. I would stop expressing myself (meaning I literally stopped talking!). I would retreat into my head; feeling like what I was about to say or do next was the wrong move. In that moment I had no access to being light hearted and fun.
Listen, the world is full of judgments. I myself can’t go 30 seconds without judging something. Anything from “I should have watered the plants yesterday,” to “I really like that girl’s shoes,” “What was she thinking when she wore those pants with that top!,” “that guy is hot,” or “what the hell was Miley Cyrus doing on stage at the VMAs?” Yes I am human!
When people say “I have no judgment,” they are lying. If you are human you are having judgments all the time. I wish it was different, and we are all on a path to try to judge less, and the reality is:
The more of ourselves we can express and access, the less judgment we have of others. (tweet it)
What does this have to do with your dating life?
Well, getting back to the questions I asked you at the beginning, when you are out enjoying yourself with friends (which by the way is the best time to meet men), if you are getting caught up in all the judgments you have about yourself, you will stop expressing yourself and then quickly become less fun. When that happens, even if the man you’re looking for is in front of you, you’ll have a harder time genuinely connecting.
So, what do you do? You OWN IT and know that you ARE EVERYTHING. For example, you may not care how the stock market works, but when it comes to picking out the perfect outfit that makes someone feel like they are the hottest thing in the room, you are brilliant at it. That doesn’t mean you aren’t smart. It means that you were gifted with talents that may not match up to what you perceive as “being smart.” And if you are willing to go deeper with it, ask yourself who you got that perception from – Mom or Dad?
When you OWN your intensity, awkwardness, chubby cheeks (that was mine), or talents, that is when you have access to everything – even the things you think you aren’t.
I often say I am not that funny. However, when I am in my body and OWING all of who I am, guess what?! I am hilarious AND magnetic!
Your Lovework this week is:
Tell me 3 things you think you aren’t and that you judge yourself for, and share how you are going to now OWN that about yourself, instead of resisting it. Be sure to tell me in the comments below!