I want to share a story with you about a client, let’s call her Sarah, who got vulnerable with a new man she was dating and after that, he disappeared.
Sarah was really attracted to this man. She was able to be herself around him, he would plan each date himself, be in touch with her daily, and he totally treated her like a lady. She enjoyed every single date and they saw each other for a few months.
But after one particular date, he suddenly stopped being in contact with her. She was confused and left wondering what happened – and was particularly hurt because he stopped reaching out after a date where she had gotten really vulnerable with him.
Let me explain what happened.
After a nice date, Sarah and this man decided to go back to her place.
For Sarah, hooking up and getting intimate with a man is a big deal. She makes sure she feels comfortable and is ready before even going there.
With this particular man things were going great and she felt good, so she got vulnerable and got intimate with him.
Now I’m not getting specific about the hook up, for all of you that are into 50 Shades of Grey….haha! But I think you can figure it out.
He left her place after breakfast the next morning and Sarah was looking forward to their next date.
But she didn’t hear from him for weeks.
Rightly so she was really hurt, especially after feeling like her intuition was telling her to get vulnerable and take it to the next level with him.
Recently, he sent her an E-card to wish her a Happy Birthday and included the line, “looking forward to getting together soon.”
Sarah wanted to know why he sent her this card and if it meant anything or if he was just sending mixed signals.
“Sadly”, I told her, “This guy isn’t sending mixed signals. The truth is if he really wanted to make time for you, and this is with any guy, he would do it. There would be nothing stopping him from seeing you.”
Sarah said, “Okay” but I could tell she was disheartened and still hoping that he would come around and ask her out again.
So I said to her, “What is making you stay hopeful that he may come back?”
Hope is a horrible thing in these circumstances because it keeps you energetically tied to a man that isn’t giving anything back to you and is taking up space for a real love to be recognized.
Sarah let me in on the fact that to her it just feels horrible that she got vulnerable and decided to let him into her heart. He left, and that is why she was scared to go there with him in the first place.
But what I let her in on was that it was good she went there with him.
When we get vulnerable with men, it raises the stakes for both people energetically -whether it is through words or actions. And if the two people aren’t on the same page in terms of how they see the relationship progressing, then it breaks it.
He disappears, stops returning your phone calls, or just starts emotionally withdrawing.
I have had this happen to me several times when I was dating.
I remember this one guy I was dating that I really liked and felt really comfortable with. When I revealed something personal about myself, he responded by saying, “I think you want more in this relationship than I am ready for.”
He literally broke up with me right then and there.
In the moment it feels terrible, but it’s really a good thing!
You are filtering faster and not wasting time with someone that isn’t feeling what you’re feeling.
Trust me when I say that when things are REALLY flowing with a man and you let him in in a way you haven’t shared with someone in a while, you will be met with appreciation and love.
Sarah was like, “That’s a really good point but it still leaves me feeling like I read all the signs wrong and that I can’t trust myself of my feelings and intuition. I listened to what felt right and it only led me down a path where I got even more hurt.”
After she said that it struck me! If she kept hope alive and he came back in some way it would PROVE she wasn’t crazy or dumb or made a mistake.
I said to her, “Your intuition, or the fact that you got vulnerable with him wasn’t a mistake.”
She said, “But I pride myself in knowing how to read people and being intuitive in knowing what people’s intentions are.”
I said, “You are all of that. And for you to let go of the HOPE, so you can make room for the right person, it is important to acknowledge that you weren’t crazy or dumb.
In fact your intuition led you down the RIGHT path – the one that saved you a lot more heartache. Because if you had waited to get vulnerable for several more months you would have been even more invested.”
I also want to debunk the myth here that you constantly have access to your intuition.
The thing is that when there are high levels of attachment to having a specific outcome or result, we sometimes can’t decipher between what is intuition and what is our desire or fear. AND that is so OKAY!
We aren’t made to be perfect in all of our decision making all of the time, because through the stumbles we understand more of who we are.
And lastly, there is a bigger vision in love for us that we can’t even see, and it is important to place your faith and trust back into that. We don’t have all the information of what is possible for us in our life and every experience is honestly leading to BIGGER love.
I want you to begin to feel this right now, so your Lovework for this week is to tell me the answer to this question in the comments below:
How are you questioning your intuition right now when it comes to a man you are currently dating or past love?
Remember, there is so much we don’t know that is planned for us.
We are doing our best, and that is EXCELLENT.
Can you relate to Sarah’s story and her situation? What have you done in times of getting vulnerable and not getting the response you were hoping for? Let me know in the comments below!