Today I wanted to talk to you about the best way to reach out to a man when he isn’t following up with you after the first interaction, either when you’ve connected in person or online.
Here’s a question I got in my inbox recently:
I need your help.
I’ve been giving online dating a try and I found this guy Ben I feel super connected to.
He sent me a pretty lengthy message and revealed a lot about himself, which was intriguing, surprisingly not weird.
I then checked out his profile and there was this great energy in what he wrote. He was open and honest in a way I haven’t seen in many profiles.
I sent him what I thought was a good response and it’s been a week now and I haven’t heard back. I can’t stop thinking about him! I know it sounds crazy, I just felt a connection from his email and I would like to keep the conversation going to get to know him better.
So, my question is should I write him again or do I just trust that if he’s interested he’ll reach out?
Ah, have you ever felt this way? I know I have. It is such a confusing place to be.
The same thing can happen to us when we meet someone at a party or an event that we really connect with. He gets our number, texts us a few times, and then doesn’t ask us out.
Or maybe you’ve gone on a date with the guy already, had a really great time, and now you’re stuck in this limbo of texting back and forth about how your days are going, with no real discussion about how you feel about each other or an invitation to another date.
It doesn’t matter if you met in person or online or if you’ve gone out or not, when a man isn’t being direct about his intentions or hasn’t yet opened up about how he feels, you’re just left at home wondering:
“What the heck is he thinking?”
“Is he interested or is he just playing around?”
”Why does he keep reaching out if he’s not actually saying anything? I keep getting mixed signals!”
It’s an emotional roller coaster. We have no idea what this man is thinking and we feel a little helpless about what we should do about it. It feels like the ball is in his court and we have no say.
Here’s the thing. I DO believe that if a man is really interested, he will do what it takes to see you or reach out. He really will!
But I also believe that in the first couple of interactions before the first date (and even after), he may not know if YOU are interested or enough about to feel compelled to ask you out.
So, if for some reason you are feeling DRAWN to him and he is on your mind, then we need to get you into action to feel resolution around the feelings that were brought up from the interactions with him. Some kind of relief.
Here are two scripts you can tweak to your situation that will get you into action (but won’t make you feel like you’re being desperate) and will help you find that relief.
Choose whichever one feels good to you and send it his way.
Both of these scripts have helped my clients get a response that helped them get clear. They either got asked out or they didn’t, but they always received an answer for themselves.
And that is what I want for you too. Clarity helps create space for a man that is your love match.
Here’s what you can text or email using Katherine’s example as a guide:
[reveal something that you hadn’t yet about meeting or interacting with him previously] I wanted to reach out because I looked at some of the answers on your profile that I hadn’t seen when I responded the 1st time.
[give a soft compliment] I really haven’t seen someone answer these questions the way you did and I was really intrigued!
[from a place of ease, write out what you would like to see happen] I would love to continue the conversation and potentially see if we can meet up.”
OR you could leave the ending at “I would love to continue our email exchange” if that feels good to you.
Here’s another option you can use if you’ve already spent some time together and want more clarity on what he’s thinking:
“Hey Ben, I’ve had a great time on our last couple of dates, and have really enjoyed getting to know you. I’m glad we’ve been staying in touch via text [or on the phone, if that’s how you’ve been communicating]. So, if you’re up for it, I would love for you to ask me out again. What do you think?”
I know the thought of sending a message like this feels really bold to you. You might feel that as a woman, this is too aggressive and that it isn’t feminine enough.
But waiting for him to follow up to give you clarity while you wait with anxiety is actually keeping you out of your feminine power.
Using these scripts will not turn off a man that is right for you.
There is a huge energetic difference between saying, “I would love to continue the email exchange” or “I would love to be asked out again” than saying something like “I really want to know if you’re still interested”.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own feelings that we forget the guy has no idea we are thinking and feeling these things.
It is so important to just be present to where you’re at with these interactions.
Using the scripts I gave you keep you in the feminine because they create space for the man to consider how he feels and respond without feeling pressure from you to make a decision around if he’s interested.
So If there’s a man in your life who you haven’t heard back from or a man that’s keeping you in texting limbo, use one of these scripts.
I want to know what you’re thinking or how I can help you around this.
Are you feeling totally freaked out about saying something like this or do you feel some relief thinking about getting into action?
Let me know in the comments below.