How to stop dreading another birthday alone

I want to let you in on something – I friggin’ LOVE celebrating my birthday. Every year, no matter what, I take the time out to gather my friends and family together and just have FUN and take in all the love.

A couple of birthdays ago, I invited all of my friends for brunch at this place in the city that turns into a dance party during the day. And just for fun, I ordered myself a bottle of champagne with some pyrotechnics in it (you know those fun fireworks). That was my ritual for celebrating me and letting all my girlfriends love me.

Because I love celebrating my Birthday so much, I got really upset the other day when I was talking my client Lindsay, who had a birthday approaching and said she wasn’t going to do anything to celebrate.

She’s hitting her mid-thirties and going through a divorce, and when the topic of her birthday approaching next week came up she sighed a bit and said to me, “Yeah, I’m not doing anything. I just don’t have it in me to celebrate this year. What do I have to celebrate I am getting a year older, getting divorced, and unclear if I will ever have the partnership that I deeply desire”

AGH! I totally understand the feeling of just not wanting to celebrate because you are feeling down and out. However, I told her immediately, “You WILL celebrate your birthday!”

She said, “But Kavita I don’t feel like planning anything, I am just not motivated.”

I said, “Okay we will handle the planning thing in a second. Your birthday is a celebration of the day you were brought into this world. Think about that.

The day you were seen by your family they weeped with happy tears because they couldn’t believe how precious you were. Your mom and dad, through their love, took care of you and nurtured you the best way they knew how in hopes that you would be able to achieve your dreams and lead a happy life.  By celebrating your birthday you are expressing to yourself and others – I am valuable. I am rare. I exist and I matter.

Celebrating your birthday honors your life. It honors all of the positive impacts you have made on the people around you, whether it be your sister, brother, mom, dad, friends, co-workers, or clients and if you weren’t in their lives they would be different people.

Especially right now. When you want spend your birthday alone hiding from the world because the pain of what you are going through feels hard, messy, and erratic – that’s when you need to surround yourself with LOVE LOVE LOVE. People want in. They want to be there for you, even if you are messy. So, let them in. It will make it SO much easier on you and give you strength to move forward and see that everything you desire you can still create. Time is not running out.”

She started crying. She said, “You are right, Kavita. It is so easy to forget how I have impacted the people in my life.”

So then and there Lindsay decided she wanted to celebrate, but still didn’t feel like planning anything.

No problem for me!

I asked her, “How many events have you planned for your friends? Bridal showers, baby showers, birthdays?”

She said, “A lot! I love being there in that way for my friends and I am a planner so that comes easy to me.”

I said, “Okay great. Then do you have a friend that you could ask to help plan your birthday?”

She said yes and agreed to ask her to help plan, letting the love she deserves in AND asking for support in the process (two of my favorite things).

I love that Sex and the City episode where Carrie asks her friend for a gift for just being her, because she had gotten gifts for her friend when she got married, when she had a child, and for her children’s birthday. Carrie ASKED to be celebrated.

And I am sharing Lindsay’s story because I want you to celebrate YOU! Whether you have a birthday coming up or not. Simply celebrate.

What does this have to do with dating and love? EVERYTHING.

When you celebrate you and your life, you allow the love that is already all around you IN. {Tweet This} When you let that love in, you don’t feel so alone. When you don’t feel so alone, you are clear of mind to have more fun while dating.

When you have more fun dating, your connection with men and knowing if he is right or wrong for you gets stronger.

Then you weed out the wrong ones faster and make way for the Mr. Right.

You didn’t know that celebrating your birthday had this profound of an effect did you? 🙂

So your Lovework this week is to declare to me in the comments below, how you feel about your birthday when it approaches and what ritual you’re going to create to celebrate yourself during that time.

And then plan for it!

I want to start a new trend of allowing our birthdays to be a place of expansion, wisdom, LIFE, and LOVE.

So flip the script around how you see age!



In Love,


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