This Wednesday marked the last Q&A call for my Soul Level Love program.
I can’t believe 8 weeks have flown by.
The women in SLL are extraordinary. I have challenged them to see men and relationships differently and they have accepted the challenges and have seen extraordinary results.
On the last call one of the participants, Diane, got vulnerable and said, “I have found this new love for myself through this program and right now what feels right for me is taking a break from dating and focusing on myself more and be there for my son.”
Diane is a single mom and although she didn’t ask a question here I could tap into her desire to know if it was okay that she has made that choice.
I loved that she expressed this sentiment because I hear it from women all the time and want to let you in on what I told her.
Most women say, “I am just going to focus on myself and get to a new place of love for ME before I start dating in a sugar daddy dating site or put myself out there fully.”
But here is the thing ladies.
Dating doesn’t mean you aren’t focusing on yourself.
The inherent problem in this sentiment is that we believe that dating or being in a relationship means we can’t retain who we are and what we want anymore.
It’s as if we think the man then takes over our lives and we are no longer following our own path of self-growth.
This is not what dating or relationships are about.
In fact, dating and being in a relationship allows us to learn a TON about ourselves if we allow it.
Relationships are a mirror and an opportunity for us to resolve anything that is unresolved from how we saw and experienced love with our parents.
That is why my work focuses on this aspect.
Dating serves us in the same way.
When you’re out in the world having different experiences with men, you will be triggered by things they say and how they show up.
Those are amazing moments for you to get clear on why you are triggered, what you really love about a man, what you dislike and what brings you joy in a relationship.
There is nothing to fix about yourself “before” you can have love.
Now the other hidden meaning behind, “I am just going to focus on me,” or “I just need to love myself more before I get in a serious relationship” is that you need to be perfect to deserve love.
There is nothing to change or fix about yourself.
I have said it before and I will keep saying it.
Having the right man or getting clear if the relationship you are in is the right one for you is about allowing more of YOU to be expressed.
For more of you to be expressed, it is important for us to accept more of who we are. That is the real work.
That can happen while dating and while being in a relationship.
A lot of us feel like there will be a point where the self discovery will just end and THAT is when the right relationship will come.
But growth is an ongoing process.
The commitment that Hemal and I have made is that we are two people supporting each other in our individuality.
We are a YES to each other dreams, aspirations and freedom. What that means is we are fully aware that we will be triggered by life, by each other and have continuous growth to do.
That doesn’t make our relationship any less powerful, in fact, I believe it makes it more so.
Trust the flow.
Now if you are just exhausted and truly need some space because you are overwhelmed by life or dating, I totally understand.
I am all for taking a break from dating if you are not in a space where you are enjoying it.
Follow what FEELS right and really look at the intention behind the choices you are making.
Love doesn’t have to be ALL or NOTHING. There is so much middle ground.
You can flow with it like a river.
When you are excited to date you get online and you put yourself out there and when you are not excited you stop.
That could all happen within one week.
Allow yourself to flow.
Just don’t hide behind trying to perfect yourself or thinking you will lose yourself if you are dating or in a relationship.
You are safe, all the time.
Your Lovework this week is to tell me if you have felt like you needed to focus on yourself for a while and why you choose to do that. Have you been putting other parts of your life on pause?