I am so excited.
This week, I cooked up some really special videos that are coming your way.
Here is a picture giving you a sneak peek:
We’re doing the big reveal on Valentine’s Day so make sure you stay tuned!
Today I want to let you in on a really hard conversation with a client of mine recently.
Julie is 37 and has never had a relationship. Her longest relationship was several months long, and she feels like she has never really fallen in love.
Over the years, she has taken all kinds of courses about how to date online, how to be flirty, and how men approach love and women.
She thought these courses would fix whatever wasn’t working for her in her love life.
And although they helped in small ways, she still didn’t feel like she saw the results she wanted when she came to me.
She came to me saying, “I just want to meet my match and be in a relationship! I don’t understand what I am doing that is keeping me from having this in my life. I have a career I love, friendships, and yet this part of my life just feels totally incomplete. It feels like there this invisible force field that is keeping me from having a relationship.”
What Julie realized is that there was something deeper going on for her and she knew she needed another way than all of those courses she had taken before.
In fact our first couple of sessions all I was focused on was having her unlearn 90% of those dating rules she had learned that were frankly exhausting her.
They were keeping her from knowing what was right for HER in each dating situation and having her be tapped into her intuition.
It wasn’t allowing her to really ask for what she needed and wanted, and over the years had created a lot of resentment and exhaustion around men and love.
Truth is Julie isn’t alone.
We all have blocks to love, even if you are married and in a relationship.
These blocks show up as protectors of our hearts and never let you open up and allow you to get FULLY intimate with another human being.
I am talking about that deeply satisfying feeling that you can get from simply sitting in silence with your partner and there is just nothing that needs to be said.
I wanted to get Julie to this place.
As our sessions went on, I started to notice that she would get on the phone and really not have any updates. She asked me, “Is there anything more that I am supposed to be doing?”
After the 2 – 3 calls like this and thinking about her outside of our calls, it hit me
She was completely GIVING UP on love.
She felt totally powerless in her love life and she was looking for me to SAVE her.
In our next session, I brought this up.
She said, “Yeah well I can’t see what my blocks are to love and I can’t identify patterns for my self, so I am looking to you to do that.”
“But with my work”, I explained, “I can’t identify these patterns without your 100% participation. It feels like you have totally washed your hands of having any impact on your love life.”
I probed a little more – “Would you do this at work?”
Julie said, “No because I have seen results that I want in my work life. In my love life I haven’t ever gotten what I wanted.”
This was a good point, and one that I see women consider often.
The problem is you don’t judge your love life in the way you judge your work successes.
Your only measure of success in love is whether you have found the one or not.
That is like saying if I make 10 million dollars in my business then and ONLY then am I successful.
In doing that, you have missed out on the entire journey and the excitement of the ups and downs of what you are creating.
There is nothing to fix or change about you. Having soul level love requires only one thing and that is expressing more of yourself. Getting vulnerable.
Julie said,”I get that, but I have never been in a real relationship. I don’t even know what that is like. I have no reference point and it makes me feel like I have no idea what I am doing.”
I said, “I really want you to hear me right now. You do know. I had never been married before but when I got married I didn’t say to myself ‘I don’t know what marriage entails, but we’re locked in, so I don’t have to try anymore.’ If I did that, I would be depriving myself of all the different layers of connection, love and happiness that could be shared in every moment.”
Even now, I am still hitting new levels of happiness and connection with Hemal.
I don’t want you using your circumstance as an excuse.
You can feel empowered in love. It is just a choice.
In every moment, in every relationship there are patterns that are being reflected back to you.
Whether it be with your best friend, a co-worker, your mom or your brother.
When you get triggered those are clues to the deeper patterns because these same triggers are showing up when you are in front of a man you like.
You can use ALL of this as clues to help you feel even more empowered and ready for love.
After revealing all of this to Julie, I could feel something click.
She said, “Oh I got it! You are right. I have given up on love and from that place I can’t create anything I want.”
She finally felt empowered to me. I could feel her love life was now existing in the palm of her hands, versus outside of her.
What I want you to get from Julie’s story and your Lovework this week is take notice of where are you in your love journey and let me know in the comments below.
Are you unknowingly or knowingly giving up on love?
Can you start to feel empowered in knowing that you have the power to create in this area of your life?
I promise you meeting Mr. Right, falling in love, and getting married isn’t a fluke.
Love is not a fluke, it is being intentional in every second. (Click to Tweet!)
It requires you to go deeper with yourself and become aware of how you are in every relationship.
From that place, you know.