The other day I went to lunch with a fellow Love Coach in Malibu. It was so fun!
I featured her on one of my online events last year, and she is in her late 40’s. While we were together she was telling me how several of her followers that saw me said, “OMG she is so young, it is depressing to be learning about love from someone her age!”
Now, I know I look young. But I am not shy about how old I am. I am 37 and honestly don’t see age in my world.
I have learned such powerful lessons from young women in high school, from 2 year olds, and from my grandmother.
One thing that is clear to me is that age shows how much life you have lived but it doesn’t necessarily show how aware or realized you are in love and connection.
So, as I was talking to my friend over lunch revealing my life story, she immediately said, “Wow you have really been through a lot in your life. You are a true old soul.”
The reason I am telling you this is because the truth can be powerful. I have helped so many of my clients in their late 40’s and 50’s find love.
One of my clients Kim is madly in love for the first time in her life at 53 and living with her partner Mark in LA.
So if you are in any way feeling like “Am I just too old for love?” then keep reading. This is important for you.
One of my newer clients, let’s call her Steph, is 52.
She came to me pretty scared that she wasn’t going to find love.
But she was on the phone with me, so you know she had some hope.
Steph had worked with 2 dating coaches in the past and they often told her she had to deal with her love life like it was a second job and “just keep putting herself out there”.
At this point in her life, she was exhausted.
You see, about 1.5 years ago Steph was engaged to a man and he ended up cheating on her.
She told me, “I was so focused on finally finding the one for me that I couldn’t see the signs. My family members did, but they saw how happy I was and thought that maybe they were misreading the situation.
After that break up it was really hard on me. I had trusted this man. I am smart. I am savvy. How is it that I didn’t see it?”
Steph came to me because she knew that I don’t talk about regular dating rules.
I talk about what is blocking us in love and help to release that so we can change the patterns of the kinds of men we attract into our lives.
About a week ago when were talking, Steph said, “Kavita I feel even more in despair around love. I just can’t seem to feel the hope that I will have love in my life.”
It was interesting to me because my immediate reaction was – that’s totally okay!
You are allowed to feel that way.
But she felt like it was a bad thing.
So as I dug into why she was beating herself up for feeling this way, it hit me.
I said, “Do you feel like if you aren’t hopeful or excited about love or believe that you will have it that you are doomed to never have the kind of love you want?”
She said, “YES!”
I was like, “OH! Let me tell you right now you don’t have to BELIEVE in love to have it.
I know your head has been filled with lots of ways to find love and often when you see experts talking about the Law of Attraction, they say you have to BELIEVE to get it into your life.”
As soon as I said you don’t have to believe, Steph took a deep breath in.
I could feel her relaxing a bit and then I asked her if she had any friends who have found love even though they didn’t believe they would find it.
She said YES.
In fact a friend of hers was totally in a negative place, living as if she will never find a man. Yet she met this beautiful man and they are now married and so in love.
I said, “SEE! I am sure their relationship isn’t perfect, no ones is. We all have work to do in love no matter if you have a partner or not. However, you are allowed to FEEL exactly where you are right now and let that be okay.”
Immediately she busted out CRYING because she was relieved.
What I want you to see is that you may be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to feel positively about love.
You don’t have to. You can find love no matter where you are in your life or if you fully believe it.
I DO want you to feel LIGHTER about your love life but from a place where it will feel NATURAL, not like you are pushing yourself into a feeling you can’t seem to access.
That can feel really inauthentic.
This week’s Lovework is let go of the idea that you HAVE TO or SHOULD believe that love is possible for you in every moment of of every day. Too much pressure. Tell me over in the comments on the blog if you feel like you are running out of time to find love in some way or if you’ve been pressuring yourself like Steph was.
I know you know this but it is good to be reminded:
We can’t even predict the next several moments let alone if the most perfect man for us will walk into our lives in a month from now.
All that we need is presence! Presence is so powerful for love to be felt.