When you are sad, do you resist it?
I’m going to level with you for a second.
Most of last year I was sad. There were lots of moments I tried to talk through it with friends and it just wasn’t going away. I was resisting it BIG time.
Then I read a book by Osho and something he said struck me. He explained that most of society is built around not wanting you to feel extremes of emotions. The people around you just want you to be okay, and what “okay” actually means is that you are mostly numbed out.
I realized that I was existing in that space.
When sadness, disappointment, and upset sets in it is the most uncomfortable feeling. Our brains will go into overdrive trying to figure out how to get you out of this state.
When you talk to friends and tell them you are feeling down, they will say things like, “Everything is going to be okay, you just need to get out of the house, you’re thinking too much.”
If you are happy there will be people that say, “Don’t be too happy because you might jinx it” or you feel guilty for being too happy around other people you know are hurting.
On the flip side, when you are sad they say, “Why would you be sad? You have so much in your life to be grateful for.”
In both of these cases, we aren’t given permission to just FEEL and feel it deeply.
I was on the phone one day with my beautiful Mom and I said to her “Mom I am just feeling so sad.” She asked me why and I couldn’t explain it.
She said, “You are probably just stressed about something, It’s going to be okay” I could feel her love wanting me to feel better.
I said, “Mom I don’t want to be okay or feel better, I just want to feel this sadness and see what it is trying to tell me. I just wanted to tell you that I was down but I don’t want to fix it.”
I’ve learned that that is best way for me to ask for the support to FEEL and just let it be. She totally understood.
So much can shift when we finally let ourselves feel the discomfort.
The other day, in the Q&A call for my Soul Level Love program, I asked the women to share some of their celebrations from doing this work.
One woman raised her hand, and she said, “I have actually been feeling a lot of sadness while doing this work. I have been feeling this way for a while but have been trying to resist it, and this program gave me permission to feel it and let it show me what I need to look at. I have been crying a lot. I have discovered hurt that I still feel from past relationships that I thought I was over.
She continued, “I let myself feel lonely and the sadness that I felt around being single. But through giving myself space to feel it and not resisting it I actually have been releasing so much, and for the first time in a long time I am feeling so much better.”
I was SO proud of her for going there, which so many of us are scared to do.
The last thing I want for you is to live a numbed out life.
I want to give you permission to be sad, upset, and down. At the same time, I want to give you permission to be happy and shout it from the rooftops. I want you to rock all of it.
Happiness inspires others. Sadness allows you to discover more of who you are.
You are allowed to even feel sad one moment and cry it out, and in the next moment feel incredibly blessed and happy. There is nothing wrong with feeling extremes. Just allow it. That is LIVING. That is LOVING. We are women and human.
I love this image because it is so funny and true:
As with everything, the lessons I am sharing with you here are things that I too am going through and have learned for myself.
Now that I have let myself FEEL my sadness, I am feeling super happy and excited about what’s to come next. Trust that if you are feeling sad right now, you will get there too.
Love can’t FLOW when we are numbed out inside.
When you can feel and aren’t trying to protect yourself you can create a super powerful relationship with a man. You won’t function of a space of being ashamed of your feelings, you will actually be even more clear on how to communicate them.
To start to get the love flowing, for your Lovework this week I want you to express a feeling you are having right now, and let that be declared and felt over in the comments on the blog. I will be reading each one.