Compatibility vs. Chemistry. Do you have to choose?

On my Ask Me Anything call last week I had a women ask, “How can I tell my best friend that I want to be more than friends?”

She explained that she wasn’t totally attracted to him, but wanted to see if there could be a love connection.

In short I said, “Do you think the attraction is going to come later or are you just willing to go without?

She didn’t really answer my question but instead said, “Well everything else I have tried in love hasn’t worked – and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”

I told her, “You are unknowingly settling because you think you can’t have both compatibility and chemistry.”

And she isn’t alone in this…

That’s exactly what Rachel, my guest on this week’s episode of KavitaTV was feeling too. 

Tune in to this week’s episode to watch how I help Rachel reach her AH HA moment and realize she CAN have it all…

And if you’re struggling with something similar – you definitely want to click on the video and watch now.

In Love,


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  • Emma

    Hi Kavita, great video. Thank you. Watching this I was aware of my fears. I view my parents relationship as Codependent and Abusive, and am in a 12 step program for Codependence myself. I guess I am terrified of becoming like either my Mum or my Dad and being stuck in something through fear or survival.

    How do you tell the difference?

    • Kavita J Patel

      Hi Emma, It’s not a simple answer, that’s why we need help. I have taken many courses and programs because it is not easy to do it by ourselves. I will be giving a free webinar on October 14th 8pm ET/5pm PT where you can ask me questions on the Q&A portion of the call. Click on this link to claim your spot.

      Thank you for sharing, Emma!

  • SJ

    Kavita, as usual, great video. This struck a cord with me in a different way. The issue that swirls around in my head with men is financially secure and responsible or being more likely to cheat. Having both has been something that has been a challenge for me. The men I’ve dated who didn’t cheat were broke and financially irresponsible. Those that had financial security and were responsible, cheated. The last guy I was involved with (and engaged to) cheated and was financially irresponsible. Believing that I can have both in a man is where I have more work to do.

    • Kavita J Patel

      Thank you for sharing, SJ! You definitely can have both and deserve both.

  • Christina Posavec

    wow, I really understand what Rachel is feeling. I know what my parents have but do not understand it. After 45 years of marriage they still hold hands and love each other. give each other cards and gifts. They are each others best friends. I have been married and thought it was forever so now I have doubts and fears and I have put walls up cause it ended in an ugly divorce where he acts like he hates me now. I never saw it but he was controlling and mainpulative and every relationship since him has been much the same. want to break the patterns. my kids think I am happier when I am single. not sure if there is some truth in that 15 years and 13 years. I went for chemistry the first time and second and I really want to have both the next time relationship I am in. I am not dating at all right now.

    • Kavita J Patel

      Hi Christina, You are probably focusing on the way your ex was and because of that you are attracting men that are also controlling and manipulative. I want you to do the love work that I had Rachel do. It will help you to get an understanding of what your parents have and will start making shifts for you. Let me know how that goes and thank you for getting vulnerable with me.

  • Bernadette

    This is interesting, and I will try it with my parents. However, I think they’ll both start out with talking about how they thought they were marrying someone else. They both tell me they should have dated other people. My dad even suggests not getting married at all, and my mother is adamant that very few people get both attraction and niceness from a partner. She’s always told me to be with someone nice that I’m not so attracted to. I’ve not done this, but I think I’ve kept choosing safe people. My most recent was the most passionate, but i didn’t feel safe enough emotionally (very defensive) or financially to create a future (including kids) with him.

    I’m really enjoying exploring your website, and am really impressed with your confidence to put yourself out there.

    I’m keeping positive, and part of me knows I’m going to find the right person. But it’s also tough work, having to feel and listen to the sadness and fears (so as not to repress or ignore their messages). I know it’s all a process and that feeling our way out of darkness is how we find the light. So thank you for the resources you’ve put up here, to provoke thought and possibility.