I was talking to my brother yesterday, and if you’ve been following me for a while now, you’ll remember hearing several stories about my brother’s journey to love (and yes – he approves of me sharing this with you all ;)).
So he said to me, “I find myself on dating websites and reaching out to women, and feeling like I don’t get the responses that I want back.”
He explained that the women he connects with either never text back or when they do, it is just little responses here and there. Then he goes on dates with girls but says they just don’t feel connected.
“I am just not getting that depth and closeness that I desire.”
“It’s so frustrating to be on what feels like a hamster wheel in this part of my life. I just keep thinking maybe I should just stop trying but then I think I also want to date someone and see where it goes.”
I told him that I totally understood, and that something was in his energy that was leaving him having these kinds of experiences.
What my brother experienced here is something that you’re probably also experiencing on your path to finding soul level love.
It’s all about catching how many times a day you are getting hit with feeling that all too familiar feeling of loneliness. And then learning how to consciously fill those moments with what I like to call, Love Hits.
Everyday, we are hit with moments of loneliness. We often are not aware of it when it is happening because we are busy dealing with the details of our life. But then when we get home at night and the distractions fade away, all of the lonely feelings come rushing in.
For example, perhaps you felt a hit of loneliness when a project at work didn’t go the way you planned and you were left to come up with a better solution on your own.
Or no one asks you out to lunch and so you pick up something and eat alone at your desk. You’re hit with loneliness.
You get home and the light bulb burns out, and so you pull out the ladder out and change the bulb and it reminds you nice it would be to have someone there to help you with the small stuff. You are hit with loneliness.
You want to plan a trip to Italy with a friend, and she doesn’t have time to go, and so you are left planning a trip for one. You’re hit with loneliness.
These “hits of loneliness” could be happening many times in a day.
You tell yourself that if you just had someone that was your one “special person”, someone who was there to support you, then all of this loneliness would go away.
When you’re making loneliness mean that there’s something wrong with you then the energy that you begin to exude unknowingly is one of lack and neediness.
When you come from this place you seem to only meet men who are already taken, or it seems that the only men available are men you’d never want to date or you go on date after date with men who are not exciting or men just aren’t approaching you at all.
So, how then do you switch this energy from limitation and lack to possibility and hope, and start to change the results you are seeing in love?
You need to create more experiences of being hit with Love then hit with loneliness.
I call these moments Love Hits, because it’s like eating a piece of chocolate cake and getting hit with a sugar rush. These Love Hits do something for you. They fill an emotional void that is causing you to feel lonely.
Instead of filling that emotional void up with something like over eating, over working or pick your poison, it’s important to fill up that void with LOVE, because this is what you are actually desiring.
So how do you get a Love Hit?
Step 1: Catch it in the moment
Watch for these moments of loneliness. This is going to require a new level of awareness for you to distinctly notice when you are having a moment of feeling unsupported, misunderstood, or alone. You don’t have to be perfect but if you can catch even a couple of these moments in a day you’ll experience a feeling of progress.
This is part of what I cover in my program Soul Level Love, which I will be introducing to you in just a couple of weeks. Although this may seem fairly straight forward there are nuances under the surface that are stopping you from recognizing these moments, as well getting to the root of why these moments are even happening.
Step 2: Call or text someone you love
Then when you have a chance in a day or even in that moment, call a friend, sibling, family member, parent, co-workers, anyone you feel comfortable with, and have a conversation revealing how you are currently feeling and ask for a little love.
Here are some scripts you can use:
“I know this sounds really weird or weird for me to say, but I’m feeling overwhelmed thinking that I have to do everything in my life by myself, am I really alone?”
“I feel a little stupid saying this, but can you tell me how amazing I am, because right now I don’t feel that amazing?”
“I just made a mistake at work, and feel really bad, can you remind me that I am not as stupid as I am telling myself I am right now?”
Keep a Love Hit list, meaning a whole list of people that are close to you, and if you can’t get a hold of one person move to the next.
Step 3: Translate it into love
Some people may respond to you with comments like “how could you think that?”. Know that this is their way of loving you. Some might say “you are amazing don’t worry about it”. Be sure to also let that in too.
Whatever is said let it be translated as love, and if you’re not feeling it, then ask for what you really need.
It might be that you need a hug, a compliment or even to be told how amazing you are.
Whatever it is ask for it. It will feel good for those closest to you to be able to give to you and it will be uncomfortable for you to get vulnerable and ask, and that is the point.
Step 4: The Energy Shift
As you become aware of those moments of loneliness and choose to fill that loneliness up with love, you’ll shift the energy. You’ll begin to approach your love life and the rest of you life from a place of possibility and knowingness.
Your Lovework this week, is to tell me if this hits home for you. Can you see how getting a regular dose of Love Hits in your life will be helpful? Let me know in the comment section below.