Have you been feeling exhausted, disappointed, or even angry because you feel like you’ve been looking for that special man forever and the love of your life isn’t here yet?
Or do you keep having experiences where the man doesn’t choose you and you’re left to deal with all of the hurt, rejection, and emotions of the aftermath?
When situations like these happen, it feels like you had no say in what happened – it was his decision after all, right?
Here’s the truth…
You can’t control other people’s timing, or avoid the kinds of men and experiences that you’re “meant to have” along the way – OR control exactly how your results show up.
However – what you can control is YOURSELF. The (wo)man in the mirror, as Michael Jackson would say.
I know this isn’t new. I know you know this. You’re smart.
However, you’re probably not relating to your love life like this.
Let’s say you’re dating a guy you like, and he seems to be really busy. You are communicating often enough, and yet he keeps changing plans on you, and you absolutely hate that.
Suddenly, you begin to feel like maybe he is seeing another women.
Truth is you aren’t exclusive, so this is totally possible. So, you ask and he says No. Relief. Yet, a part of you wonders if you can trust him. He isn’t ‘showing up’ the way you think he should be.
So, in this scenario, you feel yourself wanting to pull back. Are you a fool for sticking around or should you cut your loses, so you don’t have to get hurt?
Here’s another scenario:
Let’s say you start talking to a guy online, and things move really quickly, he starts to tell you how much he likes you already, and is into you.
Then you meet, there is definitely chemistry and you “think” you like him.
You decide to follow your instincts, although apprehensively, and you sleep with him.
The next morning you can immediately feel a shift. You sense he is different. You never hear from him again.
What do you do? You took a chance. You put yourself out there. You got vulnerable, and he pulled away. You blame yourself for making a mistake and wonder if you’ll be able to trust yourself to make the right decisions next time.
You are in love with a man and even think he is the one for you. You have been dating for almost a year now, and it feels like the relationship is on track for marriage, and then one day he says to you that he isn’t sure if you’re the one for him.
He just isn’t feeling it.
Then several months after breaking up, you find out he is with another girl, and they’re serious.
You feel blindsided by the whole experience.
You tried asking all the questions you knew to ask about why he was unhappy, what you did to have him feel the way he does, and tried to give him what he wanted. And now you think he choose another woman over you.
Each one of these scenarios can leave you feeling defeated, angry, disappointed, ready to throw in the towel and say “I just want to stop trying so hard!”
Here’s what I have learned personally and through working with so many women to find and keep the kind of love they deeply desire.
You did NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING wrong.
Because the very first place you go, sometimes without even knowing it, is to wonder “What did I do wrong?”
You begin to ask questions like…
Am I doing something that is causing him to not make me a priority?
Did I have sex too soon?
Was I too available?
Was I too much for him?
Once you think you did something wrong it’s over. You feel hopeless, powerless, and helpless. Searching for some sort of tangible “fixable” problem that explains why something happened and more importantly why you don’t have what you want yet.
Hemal and I have had a ton of bumps in the road. I mean a TON. Because the learning and growing doesn’t stop when you find Mr. Right.
And in my mind when I feel rejected or hurt by him, I immediately want to blame him, blame myself, and then the world for putting me through this.
I literally start spiraling down, thinking he should apologize, or that he is the problem, or I will never be that open again.
None of those are solutions. In fact they are ways of shutting down and closing up my heart instead of working through what is happening on my side of the fence.
So what do I do when I have been hurt in someway? Below is my own personal 3-step process to feeling empowered again in my life. I’ve been practicing this for 5 years now and can tell you it has worked 100% of the time.
Step 1: Feel my emotions. Don’t bottle them up.
Being shut down is not feeling. And at these times it is crucial to FEEL. So, I will call up a friend and say “I am so angry right now because….” “I am disappointed because…” “I am sad because….”
I will repeat this process for a bit sometimes calling up several friends saying the same stuff over and over. Often we give ourselves permission to say different things to different people, so this way you let yourself be fully expressed in these emotions.
Step 2: Reconnect to what you desire. Let go of being right or wrong.
Claim your desire. For me my desire is being committed to having a fully intimate, expressed, loving relationship. I am not willing to give up on that.
For you it might be declaring that you aren’t giving up on having a powerful relationship in your life. You deserve a partnership that feeds you, that will challenge you, that will love and support you. And you aren’t going to give up on that.
Whatever your desire is – claim it, declare it and recommit to it – especially in these times.
Step 3: Look in the mirror. Ask the deeper questions of yourself.
It’s important to start to feel empowered instead of existing in thinking you have no control or say in this part of your life, and the way to regain that control is to look inwards.
Because at the end of the day that is all you have control over anyway.
So, I ask myself some of these questions and these are the same questions I ask my Soul Level Love students to ask of themselves.
What are you resisting?
What are you afraid of?
What aren’t you letting yourself feel?
Where are you placing pressure on yourself?
Why is it easy to put up walls and protect your heart then stay open hearted?
The thing is most of us aren’t willing to go there. We are unknowingly avoiding going inwards.
And this is the very reason why I created my brand new video series so that you can see there are deeper reasons to why you are experiencing what you are and that each and every rejection or hurt you feel, is a breadcrumb to understand yourself more.
And if you haven’t already done so, make sure you opt in for the “Essential Keys to Magnetizing a Soul Level Partnership” video training. It’s totally free, and don’t forget to leave me a comment below, I will be reading all of them.