Within the first year of starting my business, I was rejected by 40 women.
I had conversations with each of them around how I could support them in their love lives, and when I asked if they would like to work with me I got “no”, “no”, “maybe”, “I have to think about it” (code for no), and “let me get back to you” (also code for no).
Why am I telling you this?
Because I just got off of a call with my Soul Level Love women (who are amazing), and the common fear amongst almost everyone was, “I’m scared to put myself out there because I don’t want to be rejected again. I simply don’t want to get hurt”.
All of us in some form or another have experienced rejection in our lives.
This fear of being hurt comes from experiences we’ve had at a very young age with your parents, those that raised you, or childhood friends feeling like you were ignored, not loved enough, felt unwanted, left, yelled at, and/or not accepted for who you were.
These experiences are branded into your subconscious and when someone says No, pulls away, or doesn’t respond. It triggers a feeling from the past of feeling not good enough, thinking you did something wrong, or feeling unloved.
When it comes to dating, maybe you’ve felt that gut wrenching feeling when someone you love or like pulls away, or you’ve been in a relationship with someone that felt like the one, but then he breaks up with you.
And each time you’re left feeling hurt and questioning everything about yourself.
Questioning what you did wrong, questioning if you will ever find someone like that again, questioning if you are good enough.
That first year, each time someone said “no” to working with me, I got upset. I questioned if I knew what I was doing, and wondered if I was good enough.
But, I also kept going.
Hence the 40 “no’s” in a matter of 7 months.
Because the truth is you aren’t going to wake up one day and say “okay, I’m over this fear. I’m okay with rejection. Now I can put myself online and date. I can stop hiding in my house and get out more. I’m now ready to meet new people”.
It doesn’t work like that.
Fear doesn’t go away with time or through sheer will power.
But do you want to know what kept me going? And what will help you keep going in love too?
There are 2 things…
I was committed to something bigger than me.
I was committed to having a business that made an impact on people’s lives.
I wanted that more than anything.
Being committed to that overall vision for myself had me feel the hurt when someone said no to working with me, but also had me quickly get back into action and stay motivated around having my vision come true.
Ask yourself if you are committed to not being hurt right now, or if you are committed to being connected and intimate in relationships, on dates, and in life in general?
I was getting value out of each call with a potential client.
Each time I got on a call and was supporting a woman in her love life, and saw that I was providing value, I was learning more about my ability to coach, lead, and believe in myself. That feeling kept me going.
Dating feels hard when each date is about finding and meeting “the one”. And when you realize that he isn’t right or he isn’t into you, it’s easy to get stuck in your head thinking “what’s the point?”.
But, if you start to date with the intention of learning something about yourself AND connecting with another person, regardless of if they’re right or wrong for you, it will have you feeling lighter and more free with each date.
These 2 ways of thinking will have you consistently making choices towards what you want MORE of in your life, versus what you don’t want.
This week’s Lovework is about you declaring (if you are ready to) that you’re committed to YOUR vision of love in your life, instead of being committed to not being hurt or rejected.
In the comments below, tell me what you think about rejection, and how you stay motivated in your love life. I want to hear all of it.