We’ve all made mistakes in love.
I mean, I know I’ve made hundreds.
And often when we make those mistakes, we make it mean that we shouldn’t ever do ____ (fill in the blank) again.
That what we did in the past was WRONG.
Maybe while dating, you’ve found yourself moving fast in the beginning of a relationship, only to later find that it blows up just as quickly.
He disappears or suddenly pulls away and loses interest, and you’re left wondering what happened, because it was going so well.
So, you convince yourself that going too fast was the problem. And that next time you should take it slow.
Maybe in your last relationship when you would get emotional, you realized that he couldn’t handle it, and would end up shutting down or pull away.
So, you convinced yourself that being emotional was bad.
Maybe you were head over heels in love with your Ex, and he told you he wasn’t sure if he wanted to get married or be in a serious relationship, but you ignored this and thought, “I can change that”.
So in this case, you found yourself giving and giving, hoping and wishing, that you could win him over.
But ultimately he eventually decides he still doesn’t want what you want, which is a lasting relationship, and you end up breaking up.
This experience leaves you never wanting to lose yourself the way you did in that relationship again.
When something doesn’t work out the way we would’ve liked, we immediately jump to thinking, “what did I do wrong?” and “can I trust myself? I was so convinced that the outcome would be different”.
Thinking “what did I do wrong?” is actually really healthy. It’s healthy because you’re learning and growing. Without making the wrong choices, we don’t know what the right ones look like. Making mistakes is essential to our evolvement.
When we were babies and started learning how to walk, did we say to ourselves, “oops I fell. That hurt, don’t ever try to walk again”.
We adjusted and tried again and again and again, until we got it right.
The problem I often see is that so many of us, after not getting what we want, shut down and build walls around our hearts. We’re basically saying, “I can’t trust myself anymore”.
Now this statement is like punching yourself in the gut.
OF COURSE you can trust yourself!
Trusting yourself doesn’t mean you’re going to make the perfect decision in precisely every situation.
Trusting yourself, in my book, means choosing to follow an impulse to engage with someone or something, because in that experience lies an opportunity of growth and change.
Now, if you’re making the same mistake over and over again, the problem isn’t being able to trust yourself. The problem is that you haven’t gone inwards to reflect and grow from that experience.
But what’s most interesting and often forgotten, is that most of us actually aren’t making the SAME mistakes. It may appear that way, but when you take the time to learn and grow from your experiences, it’s actually impossible to make the same mistake again.
You might make new ones, but they’re new! And that’s ok. And you will learn from those too. When it comes to love or any other relationships (even friendships!), when it’s meant to be, you can’t miss it!
Let me know in the comments below. I would love to hear what you think. How did this resonate with you?
Looking forward to reading your insights.