I met up with an old friend a couple of weeks ago, and when she walked into the restaurant she was radiating. There was an energy exuding from her. This peaked my curiosity.
I said to her, “you’re glowing, what’s going on?”. We sat down at the table and she launched into how she had met her “husband” at an engagement party a week ago.
She said that at the engagement party, she was introduced to this handsome single man, and that there was an instant connection.
They were inseparable the entire party, and even friends at the party kept saying how the two of them had this unexplainable energy.
She continued with, “we’ve been texting every day, and I’m having a reaction to him that I haven’t had in years, if ever”.
I was so excited for her!
She then asked me a question about a text thread they were having about taking a leap and going on a vacation together. They don’t live in the same city.
He instigated the conversation, and she was confused as to what she should say and do.
“Am I going to fast?”
“Should I not look to available?”
“If I say yes, will he then pull away?”
After hearing that, I reminded her of something very simple: that stuff doesn’t matter.
Thoughts like that exist because you’re scared of getting hurt. Those thoughts, if you indulge them, will build a wall against love.
Of course it’s scary following your heart!
That means that you could get hurt again. But instead of falling down the rabbit hole of obsessive thinking, just own that you’re scared, and in those moments ask yourself, what do YOU want? What are you feeling?
I told my friend this and she admitted that it was in fact scary for her, but ultimately all she wanted was the chance to get to know him better.
And how else are you supposed to get to know someone without spending time with them?
I told her to write him back and take him up on that trip. And that it was OK to let him know what she was thinking – that she thought it would be great to spend time together on a short trip, getting to know each other.
And right now, as you’re reading this, they’re on that trip!
In life, there are going to be SO MANY thoughts that are fear or ego based, that invade the process of connecting with someone you like or start to love.
Fear based thoughts are things like “will he pull away?” or “will I scare him away?”.
Ego based are “I’m not going to reveal how much I like him”, or “he should be the one that chases me”.
When this happens, what you have to keep coming back to after taking a couple of deep breaths is the notion of, “what do I want?”.
It’s really, really easy to get lost in thoughts like “what is he feeling or thinking?”, and then mold yourself around what you think the answer is. This is another way our mind tries to protect us from being hurt.
The problem with this is that you will never know what another person is feeling or thinking unless you ask them directly. And 9 times out of 10, people don’t ask because of FEAR.
And even if you do ask, you should NEVER be or act like something you aren’t because you think it will help you get closer to another person.
Doing so is a sure fire way to ensure that the relationship and connection have an expiration date, and will eventually come to an end.
I want you to be free, original, 100% authentically YOU.
And the best way to begin to do this is by asking yourself in those moments of fear, consciously and deliberately, “what do I want?”.
I would love to hear in the comments below if you get caught up in either fear or the ego thought processes, and how they affect how you are interacting with people you love in your life. What do you do to get back to a place of love and knowing what you want?