I’m humbled and thrilled to be making this announcement today.
After 10 years of marriage, at the age of 39, 2 years of preparing my body and mind, 2 miscarriages, and a lot of intentional releasing of fears around having children, we are pregnant with a baby boy! My due date is the beginning of February and I am already looking through the BabyStroller reviews, because I want to get him the best.
Here’s one of the first pictures we took…
When I take in the miracle that is occurring within my body right now, it literally blows me away. It’s an awakening to what little control we actually have. Literally as I breath, go about my day, write and talk to clients, my body is creating a heart, lungs, stomach, eyes…a human being.
I’m reminded over and over again especially over the last several months how limited my life would be if I actually had control of it.
The illusion that having control is a safe secure place is something I have been willing to let go of, moment to moment in order to have life literally create through me.
When we release that control, allow ourselves to venture into the unknown and live on the edge of our discomfort, that’s when life reveals it’s magic to us.
That’s when we recognize the beauty that’s getting served up in every moment of everyday, even when we aren’t quite where we want to be or surrounded by suffering.
I chose to be on the edge of my discomfort as I explored and released the fears I had around what it meant to become a mother.
You see when I was younger, my Mom stopped working to stay home with me and my brother, and honestly I loved it. I loved having her home; it felt so nurturing and supportive. I admired how much she was there for us. In fact this admiration had me question, could I ever be the mother she was?
I also saw, as I was growing up, how unhappy my Mom was. I translated this to mean it was because she poured herself into taking care of us or that she lost herself because she gave up her work for us. None of this was very logical, remember most of what we feel isn’t, and yet it’s important to face it.
I remember thinking as a little girl, I’m going to be independent financially and emotionally so that I don’t have to experience the pain that I thought my mother was experiencing while I was growing up. (this was all happening in my head not in reality)
This set up my identity, and if you look closely at why I was translating all this, it was a way for me to feel safe and have control over what felt out of control to me as a child.
I also placed a lot of pressure on what being a mother looked like because of the ways I admired how my Mom raised us.
I’m using my journey into motherhood as a way for you to reflect on how you might be doing the same within your love life right now. What translations from your childhood have you made that has you stuck in an identity that doesn’t serve you anymore?
All of my likes and dislikes through what I experienced at such a young age without me knowing it had created an identity that was keeping me stuck now. It was keeping me from venturing into the unknown into new experiences.
Then I had a wake up call. As most of us do.
A break up is a wake up call, being cheated on or cheating on someone is a wake up call, thinking you were on the same page in a relationship but weren’t is a wake up call, divorce is a wake up call, your husband saying I can’t live like this anymore is a wake up call, feeling a deep sense of loneliness when you’re simply by yourself is a wake up call.
My wake up call came in the form of a miscarriage. This moment showed me it’s time to face this identity that I had grown so fond of that I was using to feel safe.
First step, admitting that I was okay letting go of the need to be independent and in control (financially and emotionally). I no longer wanted that mental illusion at the price of my freedom or possibility. I wanted to open my heart up to life in a way I hadn’t allowed before.
I stepped into not knowing and not trying to figure it out with my mind.
I slowly released my likes and dislikes from my past.
I opened myself up to feeling potential pain, knowing I would still be okay.
I did all of this because I knew in my gut that I no longer wanted to live in a state of anxiety and stress, but to live in a state of grace.
Doesn’t that sound nice?
Are you ready to let go of an old identity to open your heart back up to what is possible for you in love?