In my work I often hear this line, “I want to be my best self before really putting myself out there to date,” or “I want to feel more like my best self before I really commit to someone.”
Honestly, I find myself cringing a bit when I hear this.
It’s a great intention to want to feel good about yourself before getting “involved” in a relationship or before you put yourself out there when it comes to love, but often people are using “best self” as a destination. Meaning we sometimes use it like one day I’ll wake up and feel like my best self, and being your best self doesn’t work like this, it’s honestly a constant discovery.
It’s literally an everyday every moment evolution.
I also feel most people are partly saying they need to be perfect to “attract in” the right kind of experiences, and ultimately when you dig a bit deeper it’s coming from a place of protection instead of a trusting and open space.
We tend to use perfection as a way to protect ourselves from getting hurt the way we did in the last relationship or to ensure we don’t have the kind of relationship we watched our parents, family members, or friends have. We are trying to avoid pain or avoid making mistakes.
Here’s the thing, when it comes to love and relationships being in a state of perfection keeps us from the kind of love we so deeply desire.
It’s okay to be messy and real. I’m not saying to spew your emotional state all over those around you, but to let them in, share how you’re feeling, how you feel insecure or unsure is human. It’s good. It’s healthy.
So, if you’re saying that you’re wanting to be your “best self” by looking at the ways you get triggered, pull away, or shut down in relationships, or believe that you aren’t loved or cared for, then that’s great. It’s important to look at where that’s coming from and evolve, so that you can come back to a place of love and understanding.
But being your “best self” is also being your real, messy, “I don’t have it all together” human self too. You’re worthy of love no matter what state you’re in.
Would love to hear what you think. Leave your comment below.