As I had mentioned before the New Year, you will be getting a lot more content about how to move through your relationships with your parents, and how to release parental patterns, something I like to call, The Parent Work™.
Here we go…
The thought patterns and internal voices that keep us feeling stuck in life aren’t ours, they are often the voices and thoughts of our parents. Here’s what I mean…
I was talking to Marcy, who’s pregnant with her second. She revealed that she’s been feeling pretty low. She said, “I feel like I have no purpose on this planet.”
She went on to say, “I’m grateful for my life, but I feel like taking care of my son, as well as supporting my husband, should be enough because it’s no small task to raise a child. But it’s just not enough, and I feel guilty for saying that.”
Then she said the magic words.
She said, “I can’t believe that I’m saying this to you because these words are literally what I would hear my Mom say to me when I was younger, how purposeless and unfulfilled she felt.”
I listened and said, “You are allowed to feel what you’re feeling and wanting more is okay. Know that this thought of having no purpose on the planet isn’t even your thought, it’s as you said, the voice of your Mom.”
We just take it on, unconsciously, often as a way to belong and feel connected to where we came from. And we’ve done this over and over again. We don’t even realize the difference between their voice and ours. It becomes one, until we become conscious.
My friend then said, “I just get stuck in thoughts of WHY am I like this. Why am I not trying harder? Am I just lazy? Is there something wrong with me?”
I then said, “Is this what your Mom did too? Would she get stuck in trying to figure out ‘why’ versus taking action in a different way? Or even allowing the insights of these questions to fuel transformation or a shift in some way?”
A light bulb went off, and Marcy said, “YES, all the time. It drives me bonkers when she does that. I constantly tell her she’s dwelling and not making any changes. I didn’t even realize that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
Then she said, “That’s a huge realization. I feel like I can see why I’ve been feeling this way and feeling so stuck. I have clarity after realizing this.”
I said, “There’s a way to quiet this voice, so you can get into action in your own life. It requires a conversation with your Mom where you feel a deep sense of connection to her, which I know currently you don’t feel.”
This has you shift out of unconsciously taking on the same way of being as a way to belong. Instead, you are intentionally creating a sense of connection and belonging to release this.
Is there a belief or voice that you’ve taken on from your family that you didn’t even know you took on? Hint: You might find yourself saying, “I feel like I sound like my Mom/Dad.” There’s probably a belief in there to discover.