I’m not going to lie, giving birth to Sohum and entering into full fledged motherhood has been full on in every way. It’s magical at moments when he smiles from ear to ear, and hard when he’s bawling and you have no idea why.
One of my closest friends Nisha asked me, “What’s the most surprising thing about being a Mom?”
I said immediately, “How instant it is. It was literally like he came out of my vagina into my arms and I’m suddenly instant Mom; there’s no transition at all. I felt so responsible for this beautiful dependent being.”
And with instant motherhood came a lot of meltdowns and hormonal crashes for me.
A lot of crying because I was so overwhelmed by the learning curve of having this newborn, feeling like I don’t want to make any mistakes, and wanting the best for him.
In the first 2 months, I was definitely experiencing a low level of postpartum depression. But with each meltdown, and reminders from Hemal of how I wasn’t laughing anymore, or pointing out how I was freaking out over him crying, I slowly began to observe myself and rose into a better state each time.
(Thank goodness for all The Parent Work ™, inner work, and meditation along with supplements. It wasn’t just one thing that helped.)
Well, two weeks ago Sohum and I flew (his first flight) to Cincinnati, where my parents live and where I grew up, so I could get out of NYC for a little bit and to get their help.
One morning I asked my Dad to help me change Sohum’s outfit and he jokingly said, “You can do it.”
I lost it and said, “If you can’t help me then I’m going to fly back to NYC.” By the way, this was a low blow because my Dad has been wanting a grandson forever, and I was basically threatening him.
My Dad looked at me and said, “Don’t say that. I was just joking, and that wasn’t nice.”
He was right, and I knew it.
It bothered me that I reacted that way.
Also, a day before I was texting with my friend Nisha telling her that I was feeling depressed and she, being the amazing coach that she is, said, “What do you think you’re resisting?”
I didn’t know how to answer that in the moment, but I kept marinating on it.
I took a moment after I snapped at my Dad to take in what I was feeling.
The question of what was I resisting came through, and suddenly I realized…
I was looking for relief somewhere.
I wanted an escape from my current life.
I wanted my parents to help so that I could have relief. I wanted Hemal there all the time so I could have relief. I wanted a Nanny to come in so I could have some relief.
But none of those scenarios, and I had experienced all of them, gave me relief.
That’s when I said to myself, “There’s no back door or front door to get out of my life right now. It’s hard, really hard, and it might or might not get any better.
This is it.
This is it.”
I really took in there was no way out. That it was hard and it was probably going to stay that way until it no longer felt so hard.
That acceptance, had me feel instantly calmer. I even felt revived.
I noticed that I had more energy to do even more as a Mom.
This is what acceptance can give you.
Often we are resisting what’s happening in our lives.
Whether you’ve recently gone through a break up and wish he/she was back in your life.
Or your current relationship seems to be falling apart and you just wish you could go back to the time when it was good.
Or you’re feeling lost in some way.
There’s often a resistance of what is, and that resistance can drain our energy, our creativity, or our ability to see what we are capable of.
Because truth is, we are magnificent individuals that are capable of just about anything.
Acceptance requires us to get real and honest with ourselves, and it gives us access to that part of us that can figure anything out.
What have you been resisting or what’s been hard for you to admit to yourself lately?