“You make me have the scariest conversations, Kavita!”
I hear this a lot.
It’s because relationships are built on conversations.
Conversations have us feel connected or not to someone, moment to moment.
Through conversations, I encourage my clients to release, clear, and shift patterns that stem from childhood. Patterns that push love and connection away.
I remember being interviewed, as part of a panel, by a really big expert in love and relationships.
She had instructed each expert on the panel to provide a tip when asked a question, so the listeners could take away something tangible.
What I noticed was that almost every tip or exercise given by the other panelists (all of us were in the love and relationship field) was to journal or to internally reflect.
Now, I’m all about journaling, and in fact I feel it’s an effective way to reflect and create what we want in our lives.
But something really irked me.
The tip I gave was to have a conversation with your Mom or Dad about their love story; doesn’t matter if they were together for a day or a lifetime.
I said, “If you were raised by someone other than your parents, then ask them about their love story. And if your parents or family members have passed, ask siblings or family friends about your parents’ love story.”
Now this is what irked me, true transformation happens when there’s a complete shift in perspective that occurs. Where something that felt heavy and hard as a belief, shifts into something that feels lighter and full of possibility.
Through journaling we can absolutely discover a piece that we hadn’t before, but we’re still ruminating on what we’ve already experienced.
Whereas in a conversation with someone, you have no idea what might happen, hence the fear, but you get to experience something brand new, something that wasn’t in your consciousness before.
When we choose to have a scary conversation such as:
Letting someone know that you really like them but you’re not in love, instead of avoiding intimacy with them.
Letting a parent know how hurt you felt when they acted a certain way, while also being open to hearing their side of the story. (or a friend)
Telling your spouse that you feel badly about how you treated them, versus assuming they know how badly you felt.
Asking your boss to explain what she really meant by her comment, versus creating stories in your head.
Letting someone you’re dating know it just isn’t a match, versus ghosting.
Conversations can be powerful.
They open up a new perspective that we never considered, have us face our fears, clear things up, tap into our inner resilience, and have us feel levels of connection that weren’t possible before.
This is especially true when we know how to dig deep to find our truth to then express it within conversation.
What difficult conversation do you know you want to have right now, but it’s scary?
Tell me all about it in the comments below.