I had my son Sohum 6 months ago, and it has been a whirlwind of hormones, anxiety, love like I’ve never felt before, memory lapses, lack of sleep, and complete and utter bliss. I’ve written to you about some of this already.
It’s amazing how I can weave in and out of so many different feelings in a matter of minutes; it can also feel crazy. I try to allow all of it in, but sometimes I’m absolutely in a state of resistance. This is what I mean…
The other day, I had a really hard, and I mean hard, conversation with Hemal, my husband. And this conversation absolutely would not have been possible for me when we met.
It’s because of The Parent Work™ that I was able to be this honest and vulnerable with him.
Here’s the story…
With all of my emotional ups and downs, Hemal has gotten the brunt of it all.
And I started to notice that I would have lots of moments where I would look at him, and literally dislike him. I can even say in my emotional rages, I hated him.
Now, before having a baby did we have conflict? Yes.
Most of the conflict lasted a day at the most, and even though I was angry and upset at him, I didn’t really hate him (I mean it depended on the argument). Mostly I felt, why can’t you just get what I’m saying?
After the baby the anger and upset hit a whole new level. I would literally stare at Hemal and just feel despise for him and everything he’s doing.
Then I would feel ashamed that I felt that way. Then sad. I remember thinking, would I ever love him like I used to? I would then push all of this out of my mind, and try to think of something else.
But I started to notice that I couldn’t shift out of these thoughts as easily (or distract myself). I watched how I would push Hemal away in small consistent ways.
That’s when I knew I needed to voice these thoughts to him because I could feel it was blocking the love.
I was terrified.
I didn’t want to hurt him by telling him how I was REALLY feeling. I didn’t know what he would say back. Would he hate me?! Would he leave me?!
We were sitting on the bed one night playing with Sohum and I blurted out, “Sometimes I look at you and really dislike and even hate you at times. And I don’t want to feel this way, but I do a lot. It’s a really scary feeling.”
He said, “It’s okay.”
I said, “WHAT it’s okay? I don’t think it’s okay!”
Can you hear the resistance?
He said, “Yes, because it will eventually go away.”
I said, “It will?”
He confirmed, “Yes!”
My heart filled up. I exhaled. I felt relieved.
In my head I thought, “That’s it?! That’s all it took.”
It was a quick conversation. I thought it might take us hours to talk through it all.
But his words felt true. I could feel it would pass.
So much love came rushing back in for Hemal. I hadn’t felt that in a while.
I had to trust in our relationship and in our connection.
Before using the tools from The Parent Work™, I would just live with the anxiety and wouldn’t say what was really going on for me, unless I was in a triggered place. And usually in that triggered place, I would lash out, withdraw, or try to point out how he was wrong and I was right.
I would also hold a lot in. It would build up and then at some point, come exploding out. This is what I watched my parents do with one another most of my life. I just unconsciously followed suit. And it’s not my parents’ fault, I really get that now; it was just the way they knew how to cope and relate.
The beauty of this conversation was that I didn’t know what Hemal was going to say. I didn’t know what I was going to feel along the way. I didn’t know the outcome.
All of this is what often stops us from even trying to talk something out with someone.
Through The Parent Work™ I’ve been able to access what’s really happening inside of me, feel safe from within to reveal it, know exactly how to communicate it so the other person can hear it, and get back to a place of love and possibility.
If you feel like you have a hard time expressing yourself…
If you have a hard time feeling heard…
If you feel like you want to own your voice…
If you would like to easily communicate what you need and want…
Get vulnerable, and become a vessel for receiving love…
Then you’ll want to sign up for my brand new free online workshop, Transform Your Life Through Your Relationship To Your Parents. You’ll see exactly how to access that ease, vulnerability, and honesty. Sign up now.