Not even your therapist has shared this with you...
I’ve had women come to me, after years of therapy, saying that their relationship with their mom is still the same.
They’ve just learned how to create better boundaries or tried to accept her for who she is. Or they’ve decided to distance themselves.
When I hear these words, which seemingly sound good, a part of me gets really sad.
I get sad because they’ve decided to settle in their relationship with their moms, and these are women that don’t settle in their lives.
Basically when someone says, “I’ve just accepted her” that is usually code for, “I can’t change her. I’ve tried to approach her differently, but I’m tired and I don’t want to feel powerless around her anymore. I’m hurt and it’s too painful, so I’ve just accepted this is what it is.”
Here’s the thing, if you’re someone that loves growing, learning, and bettering yourself, I want you to know that you’ve just settled in the most influential relationship in your life as a woman.
The relationship that has a ripple effect across every piece of your life, with your partner, bosses, career, and especially kids.
And it’s not because you chose this knowingly, it’s because you feel there are no other options.
Here’s what I want you to know. There’s another way.
There aren’t just two choices, which right now is what it probably feels like.
Either you keep trying to have a relationship and keep experiencing hurt, disappointment, and pain by her, or you distance yourself (maybe even cut her off).
But there’s a big missing piece that no one, not even your therapist has shared with you.
You’ve probably been told that your mom isn’t emotionally capable or that you’re going to have to put up stronger boundaries or to let things go more.
First, I want to take a moment to talk to the part of you that desires a different relationship with your mom.
You might have put that part of you in the back seat saying, my mom isn’t going to change, she’s not capable of being any different, I’ve tried it all.
Let’s just for a moment put the focus on YOU and what you need, not on your mom, but on YOU.
Do YOU feel a pain in your heart when you see friends with their mothers, and you desire a relationship like that too?
Is there a yearning from within that you can’t seem to let go of in wanting a connection with your mom?
Let’s give desire a voice.
Because here’s the truth, all hope isn’t lost.
There’s a way for you to feel free around your mom for YOURSELF, and transform the relationship in the process, without exhausting yourself.
If you know it’s time to release the anger and resentment that has built up over the years…
If you’ve had to be the strong one around her all your life, hiding your life because you can’t trust her to handle it, but you want that support…
If you’ve felt she had really high standards for you, and you’ve met them, but you can’t seem to have her feel proud or acknowledge you for that, and you desire that…
I want you to know you can absolutely release yourself of resentment, guilt, walking on eggshells, proving yourself, accommodating, feeling worried, or anxious, and come back home to yourself when around her.