Are you in love with a man that is dragging his feet to commit to you?
Is your man simply not committing to the things you want most in life, even if you are engaged or married?
Both of these predicaments come from the exact same place within a relationship. Whether you are having trouble getting your man to help you out around the house, come out with you to events you want to go to, or getting him to marry you. He is not committing to you because there is something going on with you. Now, don’t get me wrong here this has nothing to do with you being the one to blame; it is quite the opposite of that. When I say there is something going on with you here is what I am talking about. Follow the sequence below to your answers on how to get him where you want him, COMMITTED (not in that way).
Tell me if you can relate to this.
- Girl meets guy
- Guy courts the girl and shows her what kind of guy he can really be
- Guy calls her and is engaged in getting to know girl
- Guy falls in love with girl and girl falls in love with guy
- Girls sheepishly admits to herself in her head “I think he might be the one”
- Girl begins to really think about what a family would be like with this guy
- Girl commits herself to keeping him and their relationship happy by doing things she never thought, his laundry, cooking, or even running errands for him. This is her way of showing the guy what can of woman she really is
- After a while, girl is ready to get married and communicates that to the guy
- Guy hears it but doesn’t respond in any way that the girl feels reassured
- Guy says “Not sure if I am ready right now, but I know I want to get married”
- Guy starts to feel more and more distant
- Guy and girl have heated conversations about getting married
- Girl waits until the guy is ready, saying to herself “I know he loves me, and I am sure it will happen sooner than I expect.” Or “Maybe he was just saying I am not ready right now to throw her off course, because he is really going to propose soon.”
- Girl starts to feel insecure because what she wants is not happening soon enough, she starts to ask “What is wrong with me” “I can’t lose him”
- Family and friends are asking “When are you getting married?”
- Girl sees her friends getting married and moving forward with their lives, making her feel even worse about her relationship
I have overly simplified the sequence of events above but you get it, this is something I think every woman has gone through at one point or another (or some part of it), and if you haven’t you need to start putting your heart on the line more.
The fatal flaws occur in 2 places above, can you guess which numbers they are?
The flaws are in number 7 and 13.
I asked my husband the other day made him fall back in love with me? He answered “When you got clear on what makes you happy and passionate in your own life and started asking for it.”
So, in number 7 is the place we begin to lose ourselves in all of the propaganda of what kind of woman we think we should be to have a guy marry us, or we pour the love on keeping very little for ourselves, and all of sudden Ms. Independent becomes Ms. I Can’t Lose Him.
Then what seals the faith of the relationship is 13. All I have to say is you might be right, but are you happy feeling and thinking this all the time? Choose happiness NOT comfort is my philosophy. Many times the path to happiness in relationships and for yourself takes a twisty road. Choose that you will find it and it will get you to where you want to be faster, than what you feel is the straight route.
Just a side note. I have to make everything slightly multi-purpose. The strategies I cover below may seem like it only applies to a girl trying to get her man to commit to her, but it is also applicable to getting your hubby or man to do the most important tasks you wish you would do, so try it out, give it a whirl.
Here are my top 3 strategies you can get your man to commit or get clear on what you need now:
- Figure out the MUST HAVEs:
- Sit down right now with a pen and paper. Clear HIM from your mind.
- Then ask yourself what are the specific qualities you absolutely must have in your relationship to be happy? (For some it is getting along with my family, or being a certain ethnicity, or being interested in a specific topic, having children.)
- You cannot waiver if you know later on down the road this is going to be a big fat issue.
- Start writing. Remember keep thinking about your ideal family life. Now keep writing until you get to about 10 things, if you can’t get to 10 that is fine, less is better anyhow.
- Then circle the top 1 or 2 items on your list you absolutely cannot live without, and then see if it matches up to the relationship you are in.
- Just to note, things do change as life moves forward, and if you come up with a no it doesn’t match up to my relationship what I want you to do next is have a conversation with him.
- You come to this conversation with openness and love in your heart, and knowing that this is serious and coming from a confident place of knowing what you want, because you wrote it down.
- Then gauge how receptive he is to what you are asking. Sometimes he is open and sometimes he is not, calibrate it for yourself and then come away with more clarity of where you stand with him and your future.
- Listen to what he is saying – This one is simple. If he is saying “I am not ready right now, but I know I want to get married,” or “He isn’t saying anything when you ask about the topic, meaning you are getting no straight answer you are just getting a lot of excuses,” then guess what lady, he is not ready! Now you need to really assess how much longer are you willing to wait? This comes with a warning because if you are waiting and you are Ms. I Don’t Want To Lose Him, your chances of getting him to commit are slim. If you are waiting and rocking Ms. Independent your chances are much higher!
- Assess your level of happiness – This is a moment of truth for you, and be careful here because many times we are so in love we cannot see the truth. But truthfully and honestly ask yourself or have your best friend who you feel safe with ask you “Are you happy?” See what comes up. It can be various thoughts that pop into your mind, but I want you to tune into the very first thought because that is your intuition talking. The reason I say ask a friend to ask you, because sometimes if you just start talking, your own words hit your ears and trigger realizations within you. Make sure you have your friend assess if you are being true to yourself or if you are BSing yourself.