I know I talk a lot about your parents and their link to your love life. I have heard from a few of you that you couldn’t see the connection. I totally get it! This is a totally new approach for finding love! Before I get into more connections for you to make around how your love life is affected by your parents, I want to address advice that is commonly given about dating and love that I absolutely disagree with, which is following the “rules” and playing games.
Some of you have probably tried to make a change in your love life before by “playing the game” – meaning that you are…
- Keeping your options open, even when you like someone
- Waiting 2 days to call him
- Not texting him back right away even though you want to
Overall, you are trying pretty hard not to seem “too available.” Meanwhile, inside you are anxious and nervous, waiting by the phone to see if he calls or texts, and checking out Facebook to see what he is up to.
You may be trying the same thing over and over and pushing to see different results – and still, there is no traction in your love life. Nothing is changing, so you are frustrated and asking yourself, “What am I doing wrong?”
Well, if you have “played the game” and still not found the love of your life, there’s a reason. Through my work with women, I have discovered that the most powerful way to draw real love in is to go straight to the source of a woman’s issues with men and love: her mom and dad.
Your very first male role model was your dad and your brother (if you have one). From a very young age, your interactions with them taught you how to interact with men. Because these are our first role models with men, so the way we interact with them is the way we interact with the men in our lives. And the way you show up with them is usually going to be the way you show up with other men in your life.
Similarly, our first role model of how to interact with men is your mom. It doesn’t matter if you like her or you don’t like her. Either way, you put pressure on yourself to either be just like her (if you liked her example) or to be the complete opposite (if you reject her example).
All of this plays a role in how you interact with love and men, because in either scenario, you are subconsciously putting pressure on yourself to be similar or the opposite of how your parents are. The pressure you place on yourself prevents you from expressing YOU. And this is the only thing that will attract in a man.
So – the million dollar question – how can you release this pressure so that you can express more of YOU?
To shift out of this pressure mode into feeling loved and supported now, your Lovework is to simply take one parent, mom or dad, whoever feels the easiest to talk with and ask that parent, what was it like for them with their parents? How did it feel to have a mom like you did? How did it feel to have a father like you did? What were your experiences with dating when you were growing up? All of these questions will provide you with more insight. The more insight you have the less you judge your parent, and the pressure is released. Some of you are thinking there is no way I am going to do that, it is super awkward. I will confirm that it is awkward, and that through it you will also feel more peace. Would you rather avoid feeling awkward or have what you want in love?
Let me know in the comments section what kind of lightbulbs went off when reading this! Can’t wait to hear from you!