Did you read last week’s blog post? There was a lot of buzz about it, you can go here to read it, and then come back here to read the follow up!
I got this question from one of my readers, Petra, after she read the post:
“Kavita, in this situation, I would take it as the guy was not interested since she reached out to invite him to her party and he responded that he couldn’t make it. He didn’t suggest they get together later (something like “Unfortunately, I have to finish up at work and won’t be able to make the party but perhaps we can get together another time.”) What am I missing? How many times do you attempt to arrange a date before you know he’s not interested? If this were me, I would think he’s not interested because he easily could have suggested they get together and he didn’t.” – Petra
I totally know what you are saying Petra! It would seem like he isn’t interested if he didn’t email saying, “Let’s get together another day.” But the reason I suggest trying again is because he doesn’t even know her yet. They have had a couple of interactions, but within that time frame there was no chance for an impression to be made other than a physical one. So, all I am having Veronica do is not ASSUME anything, and ask for what she wants and get clear once they have actually had some time to spend with each other.
And guess what? Veronica did write him back and suggested they get a bite. He said YES, and they are meeting up next week for drinks! Now, we aren’t clear that he is totally interested yet and the truth is Veronica doesn’t really know if he is someone she really likes yet either. She just can feel some chemistry right now and wants to see what happens.
Most women make the mistake of assuming that if he hasn’t made the move, he just plain isn’t interested. This is so NOT the case! Men are human too and are assuming all kinds of things.
Now I will say that if after the first date or meeting, the guy doesn’t seem to be following up, then yes it is time for you to let go and let him take the reins – especially if you felt like yourself on the date and had a great time.
To fully answer Petra’s question: “How many times do you try to schedule a date before giving up?” I would say this:
If you ask once and he doesn’t take you up on it, then try one more time. After that, it’s probably not going anywhere. Usually if there is even a little interest he will take you up on it after the first ask, but let there be some room.
What I really want you to take away from this is to stop worrying about how you “look” to the guy. I know even just reading my advice on trying a second time you are thinking “I don’t want to look needy or desperate.” or “He should come to me!”
Try to stop worrying about what he may think or not think of you, and to a large degree put your pride to the side and come from a place of love for yourself. When you know what you want, why you want it, and act from a place of being fearless, that’s when magic starts to happen in love.
Fear and love don’t go together. My number one rule in love and dating is don’t assume anything, reveal, get vulnerable, and express yourself. This is for YOU, not for him.
I have interviewed so many men on what it really takes for a man to be into a woman, and the sexiest thing for men isn’t a woman that has it all together, but a woman that can feel good in her skin and knows who she is, flaws and all.
I specifically used Veronica’s story because it is still in the beginning stages and I can’t tell you the ending. I don’t want you to use this technique because it worked for Veronica “to get the man” (I can tell you lots of stories where it has, mine included) but I want you to ask for what you want in love no matter the outcome. When you do that there is very little regret and you begin projecting energy that attracts in men that are strong, confident, and successful just like you.