Happy New Year! I hope you’re having a really great start to your 2016.
Today I want to share a conversation I had with a woman recently around being afraid to tell a man she was interested in how she felt. It’s not uncommon, and I have a feeling you and many other women out there could potentially be missing out on your Soul Level Love because of holding back.
The woman I was chatting with, Juliet, started by saying,
“I’ve been friends with this man for about 7 years, and he’s repeatedly told me what I deserve in love. When I went to go visit him this past summer, he wrote a love song to me, and he seems to be alluding to the fact that he’s interested in more than just being friends. But he hasn’t officially made a move. My question is Kavita, what do I do? How do we go from friends to maybe something more?”
I said to Juliet, “Okay got it. You talked a lot about him and his potential feelings, but how do you feel about him? Do you like him?”
She said, “Yes. Absolutely” (I could feel her grin through the phone).
I said, “Okay, so what’s stopping you from telling him?”
“I’m old fashioned.”
I was a little surprised to hear that, and said, “So you would rather forgo telling the love of your life how you feel and hear that he loves you too because you’re old fashioned? I think you’re hiding behind that because you’re terrified of being rejected – which I totally understand – but let’s call it what it really is.”
She started laughing and said, “Okay you’re right! A friend of mine told me the other day that she thinks we both like each other but no one’s saying anything. So, you’re telling me I can just tell him I like him?
“Yes, you totally can,” I reiterated.
“But there’s something else that’s been stopping you. You’re smart, confident, but not able to do it. I mean it’s been close to 7 years! So, what’s really happening under the surface?”
Then I asked her my infamous parent questions, “What was your relationship like with your dad when you were younger?”
[Note: Our love lives aren’t just impacted by the way we related to our father figures. It has to do with how we related to our mothers and close family members, too]
Juliet said, “My dad was emotionally distant. It took him years to even say he loves me. He would often compare my sister and me which felt like he loved her way more.”
THIS was the core to why Juliet hadn’t said anything yet.
And if you’ve found yourself holding back with expressing your feelings with a man,~Contact.FirstName~, it can likely be connected back to feeling like you were never fully loved or accepted by a parent.
I said to Juliet, “If you were to tell the man you love that you love him, and he doesn’t feel the same – you’ll feel like that little girl standing in front her Dad wanting him to love her and put her first.”
She started tearing up and said, “YES!”
So, until Juliet can see that her Dad absolutely loves her just as much as her sister, she will let her fears override your desires. And I mean not just knowing it in your head, but FEELING it in your body.
Until that happens, and you can feel you are fully loved and accepted, you won’t allow yourself to be fully expressed with a man.
So how do you do that?
Well, as I said to Juliet, that’s why I have my Soul Level Love program, which walks you through how to get to the core of what keeps us pushing love away.
Because again, something beyond reason has been stopping you for years now from telling him how you feel.
But the first step I gave her and will give you here now too is:
Face the idea that by fearing expressing how you feel, you are prioritizing the possibility of it not working out over the possibility that it can be exactly what you want.
There is literally a 50/50 chance.
When you can admit the truth to yourself – that you’re letting your fears override your desires – something starts to shift.
It creates a consciousness that gives you access to a different kind of choice.
The truth will set you free.
So your Lovework this week is to reflect on how you’re currently hiding behind excuses like “I am too old fashioned”, “I don’t want to lose a friend”, or “What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”.
How can you put YOUR desires first, instead?
Tell me how this post resonated with you, and what you plan to do next to be in action. This is a juicy one. I want to hear all about it below in the comments.